Our daughter is going to be 14 in May. She is already coming up with ideas for her birthday party. She hasn’t had a birthday party since she was six, and that party was at Jeepers (similar to a Chuck E. Cheese). This year our daughter wants us to rent out the pool in our condo complex, hire a DJ, barbeque… blah, blah, blah. After a while I sort of tune her out. She knows we cannot afford stuff like that.
Even though her birthday is not until May she has been thinking of birthday present ideas for a couple of months. She bounces around from an iPod Touch to a $$$ camera. Things she knows we cannot afford. We keep joking with her saying “Dinner and a movie of your choice”. That is what we usually do. We also give gifts that are reasonable ($$$).
Tonight our daughter dropped a bomb shell on us. She knows the ONE THING she wants for her birthday. She’s even willing to give up the big pool party for it (oh lucky us!). She wants her nose pierced. She doesn’t want a huge earring. Just a teeny diamond (or in her case rhinestone) stud.
Whatever happened to wanting a Barbie doll or a new DVD? Oh how I miss those days!
Our daughter is a good girl. Up until this past quarter as school she’s always been on the Honor Roll or Principal’s list. She doesn’t hang with bad kids, she excels in art and writing, and she’s an all around good girl. I don’t think this is a rebellious thing. I just think she’s trying to navigate the scary world known as the teen years.
There are 12 and 13 year olds at her school and my son’s middle school with “snake bites” (piercings on both sides of the mouth), lip piercings, eyebrow piercings, belly button piercings, tongue piercings and piercings on the side of your face. TWELVE and THIRTEEN year olds! What are those parents thinking? I think and itty bitty nose stud is lame compared to having your cheek or tongue pierced.
I remember when I was 13. I begged my mom to let me get another hole in each ear. I had one in each ear but I wanted to be able to wear a hoop and a stud earring in each ear. My mom was not happy but she agreed to let me get it done. A couple of years later I went for a third hole in each ear. Fast forward 30+ years later and I rarely, if ever, wear earrings. Go figure.
I know it’s not permanent. She can remove it and let the hole close up. Chance are she’ll have a small scar.
I don’t mind nose piercings. My husband’s cousin has one and I think it looks fine.
I worry about her age. She’s not yet 14. I also worry about her post-college years. I guess she’ll have to remove the piercing for job interviews or when she goes to work. I’m not sure if they are acceptable in the world place.
I know with kids, especially teens, you need to pick and choose your battles. We already battle her on a regular basis about going to the mall with her friends. We just don’t feel comfortable with our daughter hanging out at the 3rd or 4th largest mall in the United States with one or two other girls her age. MAYBE with a large group (like 10) consisting of girls that we know personally and feel like we can trust, but certainly NOT with one or two girls we know nothing about. No way!
I also worry about what others would think. Not so much about her but my husband and I as parents. Does letting a 14 year old get a nose piercing make us look like bad parents? Those who know us personally know that we are NOT bad parents at all. Not even in the slightest. We may not have all the answers (we’re first time parents to a teenager) but we certainly do the best we possibly can.
If YOU saw a 14 year old walking in a store with her parents and she had a nose ring what would be your perception of the parents? Would you think they were horrible parents?
I can’t even imagine what her grandparents would think. Oh my! I KNOW they are going to be mortified.
I did find a few videos on YouTube that show people getting their nose pierced. OUCH! It does NOT look easy at all. In fact it looks very painful. Our daughter freaks when she gets a paper cut and puts band aids on bruises thinking it will help make them feel better (LOL). I can’t imagine how much of a drama queen she would be over getting her nose pierced.
I do plan on showing her the videos, just so she knows what she’s thinking about getting herself into.
I’d appreciate your thoughts on this. Do you have a teen with a nose piercing (or any piercings)? What are your thoughts about teens with body piercings and/or their parents?
Oh if only we could just buy her a couple of CD’s or iTunes downloads and call it a day…
Kimberly
Dawn @ Sugar Free Candyland says
LOL I just love reading your more personal posts LOL! So comical at times.
Anyway, call me old fashioned, but if it were me, and my daughter asked me for that at the age of 14 (or just about), I’d have to tell her no, not right now. I, too, think 14 is just a bit too young. I understand shes maturing, and trying to find her “own way” in this world, and experimenting with her appearance and various aspects of her personal and social life, but, I just do not agree with it. I’d be more open to letting her dye her hair purple (yep, the wash out stuff haha) than to have a nose ring. Maybe if she was turning 16, I would be a little more open to the idea, but I feel that 14 is just a touch too young yet. Thats JMHO.
Would I think a parent is a “horrible” parent for allowing their 14 year old to get a nose piercing? Probably not, not unless shes also wearing daisy duke shorts and a haulter top thats practically falling off of her LOL! jk. Thats just too extreme (though you might get those kind of thoughts/comments from some of the “older” generations, like my parents age range and older LOL!) In this day and age, I think most parents are just more open to allowing their children to express themselves through their appearance.
Look at the bright side mom! Atleast shes not asking to date a man 10 years older than her, or wear those daisy duke style shorts, and a haulter top and go clubbin for the weekend of her birthday! LOL!
Tricia @Nightowlmama says
do any of her friends have their nose peirced and is there any way she’ll wait until she’s 16? Sounds like to me your leaning toward letting her do it. Once you take those out if they don’t heal right she’ll have a knot in there forever. I have a ear hole that closed up and it’s not lookng pretty.
good luck with your decision. I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter especially if she’s struggling in school.. that also could be a way you can leverage her to get her grades up too. straight A’s
spring chicken says
My daughter is 13 and she just got a second hole in her ears.
I got it done when I was 16 but this is a different world. I would not let my daughter get her nose pierced until she’s 18 and has a better clue about the permanency of it.
jr911 says
It would probably be wrong of me to make assumptions on the parents based on something like a nose piercing on their 14 year old, but I have to admit I would think “what in the world are they thinking letting that young girl do that?” I know that one small step usually leads to bigger things. But….I also know as a parent of a 15 year old that you have to pick your battles. I think you need to do what’s right based on your judgment, your family’s values, and your daughter’s maturity level. I personally wouldn’t let my daughter do it, but that’s my values and decisions and I understand that it’s not everyone’s. I’d just caution that if you give a little rope on this issue, it may not end there. However, as I said before, being rigid and unwilling to compromise also leads to a whole set of other problems.
Good luck!
JDaniel4's Mom says
I couldn’t get my ear pierce until I was in eighth grade. I don’t know if my mom would have ever gone for a nose piercing.
NIchol says
I would never judge parents for their teenagers having a nose pierced. I would never let my child do it until at least 16. That being said, my cousins parents refused to let her do it at 15, and had a friend do it for her. There isn’t much parents can do when it’s already done. I got my nose pierced a few years back, and started to work. I had to wear a retainer. Like the first commenter said, the inside of my nose is all messed up now, and never healed properly from taking the piercing in and out so much.
diane r. says
I feel for you, Kimberly, because I have 3 daughters and have been through a lot with them and it’s never easy being a parent—–but you know somethhing…..it’s not easy being a teenager, either.
I read your posts all the time and you sound like a wonderful mother and I have always admired the fact that your family seems close–in this day, that is something to be very proud of.
I imagine a lot of people will disagree with you on this issue, but I am on your side as far as not completely disapproving of a nose piercing. As long as your daughter knows the consequences-that SHE will be the one to take care of it, I don’t find it to be that big of a deal and I also don’t think that it will lead to more horrible things! As you’ve said, she is going through a ‘transitional’ period of being a teenager, and that’s a very scary thing for some kids—and for parents as well. But you know that your daughter is a good person. You know that she takes her school work seriously and that she cares about family. I see pictures of all of you together and hear how you ‘talk’ about your family, and you are good people~~~so don’t worry what someone else might think of you as a parent if you let her get a nose piercing. There are a lot worse things that she could be into so I wouldn’t let this become some terrible issue between the two of you. There are times that we, as parents, need to step back and try to remember what it felt like to be a teenager trying to find our place in the world. I don’t see this as some rebellious thing that will lead to more serious problems….I think your daughter will appreciate the fact that you are allowing her to make such an important decision.
My “baby” came home from studying a semester in Turkey this past summer with a nose piercing (I first saw it while talking to her on Skype!) and I have to admit—it’s not all that bad. It’s just a tiny little stud and actually it’s kind of cute. She told me she did it as a reminder of her visit to Turkey and said that it was a lot better than what some people did—so I guess I can’t complain!
Like I said-you know your daughter….she’s a good girl and isn’t wanting this just for the sake of fighting you on some issue to be rebellious. It’s not a matter of you giving in to her….it’s allowing her to make some choices on her own with the knowledge that she will have to live with the consequences.
As much as we want to keep our kids safe and securely wrapped in our arms forever we have to love them enough to let them become responsible people, too. I have three daughters and thank God I have never had problems with any of them as far as drugs, alcohol, bad grades, bad friends…..we all get along well and I think that one of the best things I have ever done with my girls was allow them to make choices. It’s not that I let them do whatever they wanted – it’s just that we have always discussed things and they were made aware of options and consequences and had to understand that they were the ones who had to ‘own up to’ the consequences of the decisions they made.
Off the topic, a bit…but when I turned 50, my daughters told me we were going to have a mother/daughter day. Needless to say, I was thrilled and excited at the idea of maybe lunch and a movie, or maybe the four of us getting manicures or going to a spa~~~talk about a shock when we pulled into a tattoo parlor!!!!! Never in all the days of my life did I ever dream that I’d get a tattoo…..but here on my toe is a little blue star—a reminder of a wonderful day that I had out with my three daughters. I used to always complain how I loved toe rings but could never wear them~~well guess what—my girls were listening! They decided that I needed a permanent one. We all 4 got a tiny tattoo that day and it is one of the greatest memories of my life. I had many family and friends who thought it was terrible that we “disfigured” ourselves by getting tattoo’s, but you know something—I didn’t care. We didn’t do it to please-or displease someone else, we did it for ourselves. It was a fun afternoon of being together and of doing something that brought us closer together. and it’s only a tiny little star.
My girls are each on the Dean’s list in college, they have wonderful boyfriends and are beautiful young adults. I couldn’t ask for more.
You know your daughter, and you will make the right choice, I’m sure. The fact that you didn’t out and out say no has to mean something to her…letting her know that you respect her opinions too.
Good luck and God Bless…
and keep us posted on what happens!!!!
Lori A. says
Personally, I wouldn’t do it…Although I don’t think either of our girls would even ask to have their noses or anything else pierced. LOL They do have their ears pierced once. My 13 year old doesn’t like pain at all so I don’t think she’d voluntarily do it again. 🙂 Our 16 year old isn’t really into that kind of thing..she’s pretty plain jane.
I think of piercings like that as I do tatttoos…when you’re an adult and can make those choices for yourself, then so be it. I think at these young ages they don’t always know what they really want or think about the possible ramifications. Some tend to make choices based on what other people are saying or doing.
Anne says
I have 14 and 18 year old daughters and I flatly told them no to nose piercings or tattoos, although both have asked. They have pierced ears and I told them I am fine with a second or even 3rd piercing as long as they pay for it. They lost interest once they realized it would be their own money.
I just think they are too young to make decisions like that. My 18 year old has mentioned a few times since her birthday that she doesn’t need our signature anymore, but she has actually lost interest in it and is just joking around to see how we react. Kids change and grow so much between 14 and 18, I’d be hesitant to let a 14 year old make that kind of decision.
But if you do decide to let her do it I think a nose stud looks fine and I wouldn’t think badly of a parent that let their child get one. My big concern would be what she’d ask for at 15 to top it!
Hedy says
I’m 27, and some of my friends have nose rings they got as teens (and now are PhD candidates).
If I were thinking about my teenage niece or nephew, I’d say on one hand it’s removable (you may have a scar), it’s not over the top. OTOH, 1. I’d be concerned about summer job interviews and college interviews.
Crystal @ Simply Being Mommy says
I probably would not allow it at 14.
leafsfan68 says
If you aren’t comfortable with the idea, I’d “highlight” the pain factor.
I had mine done as a 40 year-old woman, and I can tell you – it hurts, And that’s coming from someone who has been in labour! The piercer who did it, said it’s one of the most painful. Personally – I think they are cute. If she’s not talking about a tattoo – I’d be grateful!
Additionally – about a year after I did it, I left the stud out for 24 hours – had to almost re-pierce it – it had healed that quickly. If it is problematic, I think chances are pretty good, it could be removed with little or no ill effects.
Penelope says
If it were my daughter, I would make her wait to make body alterations until she was an adult.
Kelly says
I think it’s totally up to the parents on this one. My parents
wouldn’t let me get my belly button pierced (am I dating myself
now?) until I got accepted into college (I was 17 and only 4
months from turning 18). I say do what you’re comfortable with.
Lisa says
I already weighed in on facebook, but wanted to let you know I stopped by to do an alexa review from the list on momspark. if you get a chance I’d love a return review! thanks!!
Lauralee Hensley says
I read a article that had some statistics that showed that people with piercings and tatoos did have some job employment disadvantages. So those things whether conscious or not, do influence those in the position of hiring.
I’m sure it’s more prevalent in some fields of employment than others, but still a thought for her future.
jennifer b says
Can she get her nose pierced at a place that young? I thought
you had to be 16. I think she would wait a year or so. But
I had my nose pierced at 15 or 16. My friend did for me. Yeah so not the way to go. lol I outgrew it and life moved on.
Now what makes me outraged is that my 9 yr old little cousin had her nose pierced!! 9!! Now that is just wrong to me on all levels