Does having a teenager EVER get easier? Seriously. Our daughter is almost 15, how many more years of pulling our hair out do we have left? Sigh…
I’m not exaggerating when I say that over the past year my hair has turned from having a few gray and silver strands to a huge chunk of my hair being gray and silver (or silver and white – I can’t tell).
Our daughter’s cell phone is a constant source of arguments. She WAS and honor roll student, that is until she got into Junior High AND got unlimited texting. Prior to that she had a Tracfone (pre-paid minutes). She was costing us a small fortune with the Tracfone so we figured it was cheaper to put her and our son on our cell phone plan. It saved us money but in exchange it’s caused us nothing but major headaches.
The latest thing is that there is a boy that likes my daughter, and she likes him. He’s 15 and in the High School. She’s going to be 15 in a couple of months and attends the Junior High (He’s in 10th, she’s in 9th).
She had a “boyfriend” (I use that term loosely) over the summer. They only talked to each other on Oovoo (video chat) and on Facebook. They went to school with each other but never talked to each other until the summer. For a few weeks they carried on like they were “boyfriend and girlfriend”. He really wanted to hang out with her and she kept finding reasons why she couldn’t. I knew she REALLY didn’t like him. She was just in love with the idea of having a “boyfriend”.
I thought I was being nice by letting her meet the boy at McDonalds from lunch. I dropped her off at McDonalds and ran over to the grocery store about a two miles away. I was only at the store for a short time when I received a text message from her asking to pick her up. She knew from the moment he sat down that there was no chemistry between them.
For about a half hour I sat in my car outside of McDonalds texting her back and forth telling her what to say so that she wouldn’t hurt his feelings (she didn’t know what to say and kept asking me for help). She finally told him that there was really no connection and that she felt that they were better off as friends. He had even given her a dolphin necklace which she returned to him.
That was that. We don’t even mention his name. Thank goodness she never kissed him.
There was one other time I thought she might be getting into a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, but he turned out to be a “player” and she stopped talking to him.
Now there is this other boy. I’ll call him “B”. “B” seems like a nice boy. I glance over their conversations on Facebook and have checked out photos on his Facebook page, just to get an idea of what kind of person he is. He has pictures of his family on his Facebook page which I rarely see teenagers do. He’s also an Honor student and an athlete. He doesn’t curse like many teens do on Facebook and he seems genuine. The conversations he has with my daughter are all very innocent.
When I was a teen my mom had strict rules – no make up until I was 16 and not dating until I was 18. And that is exactly how I lived. I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 18 years old. I understand that this day and age is much different then the one I grew up in. I hear 10 year olds talking about their boyfriend or girlfriend. I think that is crazy, but at that age it’s innocent enough for the most part.
I understand that my daughter is anxious to have a boyfriend since all her friends do. For the most part her friend don’t do much other than hold hands, kiss, hang out or go to the mall.
My daughter will be 15 soon. I am OK with her having a boyfriend, per say. As long as I’m kept in the loop and there is no sneakiness involved. I would let her hang out at the mall with a boy, providing that it’s with a group. The boy plays varsity hockey. I have no problem dropping her off at a game with a friend or two and letting them hang out. What I won’t do is let her over at the boy’s house unless I knew the parents and I knew they would be there. The same applies to a friend’s house. As long as I know there will be adult supervision and that adult is on the same page as me when it comes to kids not being left alone or allowed to hang out in a bedroom with a door closed, I’m OK with it.
I was just talking to my daughter yesterday about this boy and how as long as she is open, honest and upfront with me than I’ll work on my husband as far as being more lenient about things like hanging out at the mall (with a group) in order to see this boy, or dropping her off at a game. She seemed understanding about it.
I do this because I am TRYING to keep the lines of communication open so that there is no sneaking around behind our backs. As long as I know what is going on it’s to HER advantage.
Last night, just out of curiosity, I checked her cell phone. We do it periodically just to see if she’s texting during school, when she knows she’s NOT allowed to be on the phone AT ALL during school. It’s OK to/from school on the bus and at lunch, but not any other time during school hours.
I was SHOCKED to see that for the past two days she’s been texting NON-STOP during school hours. She knows the rules. She also had her cell phone taken away for three weeks because of that. She clearly did not learn her lesson. GRRRR!!! Not only that she’s texting “B” while he’s in school too. He’s an honor roll student yet she’s texting him during his classes.
I randomly checked the texts just to see what was going on. The texts to “B” were innocent enough. She was also texting her best friend. Those couple of texts that I randomly clicked on told us some interesting things. For one, she told me she had no homework yesterday yet she was telling her best friend she DIDN’T do her Science homework and wanted to know if she had the answers. So she LIED about not having homework and she was getting answers from her friend which is CHEATING – two things we DO NOT tolerate in our household.
She also told her friend that “B” was going to come over to the Junior High after school today. And out of the blue this morning my daughter says she needs to have her cell phone because she’s staying after school today for Science help. Humm… yeah… I don’t think so. I’ve been telling her for WEEKS to stay after for science help and all of a sudden the same day this boy is going to come to school she’s suddenly staying after for help. Give me a break. I’m not dumb!
When I told her that I knew the boy was going to come to school today she denied it (another lie).
I got into a not-so-lovely shouting match with her about how I was just telling her yesterday that as long as she’s honest and upfront with me and applies herself at school to bring her grades back up I would do what I could to convince my husband it was OK if she went on group “dates” and things like that. Yet she lied to my face about everything. Now she can’t be trusted.
She would have got her cell phone back this morning if she didn’t lie to me. I was going to give her another chance (chance #2,495… sigh…).
By the way, that is my daughter pictured above. She’s beautiful. In September she’s in the High School with the 10th, 11th and 12th graders. Oh my… I’ll have a full head of gray/silver/white hair by then!
I know what its like to be a teen. I know what it’s like to have crushes and wanting to have a boyfriend and all that jazz. I want her to experience all that fun stuff too – but not at the price of her being honest with us and having her school work suffer. I cannot tolerate liars, and she lied to me. I also hate the fact she’s been texting EVERY CLASS at school, all day long, when she clearly knows she’s not allowed to and had her phone taken away for 3 weeks because of it. She never learned her lesson!
I’m at a total loss as to what to do. She needs to be grounded. That is a given. And she won’t see her phone for a long, long time. At the same time how am I to trust her when it comes to boys when she’s not honest about other things? At the same time I don’t want to make her resent us and do things behind our backs, which teens will do. If she’s going to get involved with a boy we NEED to know about it so we can keep on top of it.
Teens have identity issues and are trying to find their way in the world. I don’t want to deny her the chance to experience “puppy love”. I missed out on that when I was growing up. All my friends had boyfriends and went to the prom, dances, the movies and things like that. I missed out on all of that. I had to take my cousin to the prom with me because I wasn’t allowed to date. I don’t want to do that to my daughter.
Does it get any easier? She’s not even 15 yet. I have a few years left to go before she’s in college (of course I have to worry about her in college too).
Being a parent stinks sometimes! I miss the baby, toddler and elementary school years. 🙁