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I need a hug :-(

You know that expressions “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and ”God won’t give you more than you can handle“? How true do you think they are? Right now I’m not handling things too well and I certainly don’t feel stronger.

I have to jump on a soap box for a bit to get some stuff off my chest. The world can be a cruel place, and I know that there are millions of people out there who are far worse off then I am. I am trying to keep that in perspective.

Where do I begin… ?

We spent a lot of time, money and energy fixing our condo up so that we can try and sell it. We want so desperately to move. Four people in a one bedroom condo is not an ideal arrangement. My husband and I haven’t slept in a real bed in 11+ years. We sleep on a sofa bed (we constantly have sore backs from the bar in the middle). All we want is a nice little house that is move in ready and has room for my family to spread out.

We’ve been on the market since the beginning of August and have had four showings. We even found our dream house but we couldn’t do anything about it without selling this place.

The whole selling our condo thing has had me “down” for a few months. All of a sudden things have started to snow ball and it’s been one bad thing after the next. Suddenly selling our condo is the least of our problems.

My car had a lot of problems. It’s 17 years old. We can’t afford a “new” (used) car, and we couldn’t afford to get it fixed. We had to borrow $$$ from my father just to slap a very expensive “band aid” on my car. No telling how long it’s going to last. And yes, we always pay back $$$ we borrow from him, even if it takes years.

We have five cats and a dog. Our dog needs to go to the vet and our two oldest cats need to go to the vet too. I ended up taking our youngest cat to the vet because she would have these weird “attacks” where it seemed like she was gagging on something. It was not a hairball. We know hairballs. That wasn’t it.

After almost $1,000 in vet bills the vet said she has Asthma and Hyperthyroidism. She’s on medications, one she’ll have to take for the rest of life.

This past Sunday we had to rush her to the animal hospital because she was having an attack that wouldn’t stop. The emergency vet is concerned that it’s NOT Asthma, that it could be something else. Especially because she’s on steroids for the Asthma and has these weird attacks daily. She wants us to look into more tests and X-rays. I love our cat very much but we spent every dime we have and it will take some time to save up hundreds of dollars again.

It’s probably not legal, but Bella felt better on my husband’s lap on the ride home from the pet hospital.

On a side note, which is equally as stressing to me, two of our neighbor’s dogs died. One had cancer. I’m not sure about the other one. I just found out that another neighbor’s dog has cancer. With our dog being sick that makes me worry. Why are dogs getting cancer? Does living under huge power lines have anything to do with it? Or the fact we live in a 10 mile radius of a nuclear plant?

Can’t sell our condo… cr*ppy car… sick pets… no money… what else could go wrong?

Our daughter has something wrong with her. She kept complaining that her heart felt like it would stop (the doctor said it was actually slowing down, it was obviously not stopping). She also has a few other “quirks”. The doctor sent her for blood tests and told us to take her to the Cardiologist.

We went to the Cardiologist who gave her an EKG and echo-cardiogram. Both turned out fine. She did say if it continues she’ll put her on a heart monitor.

Whew… that was a relief… or was it?

Our daughter had blood work done too. The doctor received her results. She tested positive for ANA (something to do with antibodies). She also has elevated/high levels of Smith antibodies and something that sounded like RNT or R&T (?). She wants us to get her to a Rheumatologist ASAP. She also mentioned Lupus and then sounded a bit concerned when I mentioned my grandmother died from Wegener’s Granulomatosis (although we still insist it was complications for a Brown Recluse Spider bite).

I had mentioned to the doctor that our daughter complained of her heart slowing down again, and that she was having trouble breathing. She didn’t tell us until AFTER she felt better! In fact our son was the one that told us. The doctor said she wants to put her on a heart monitor just to see what is going on.

Our daughter was perfectly healthy? I don’t know what is going on. It makes me concerned about my son and husband’s health too. Maybe they should be checked out?

I’m also Diabetic and I have Hypothyroidism. I’m on pills and shots. I have to admit that I haven’t been taking very good care of myself lately. With the stress of everything else I sort of pushed my own health on the “back burner” so to speak.

This is going to be a rough Christmas. My daughter has health issues, the cat has health issues, I’m worried about all of our health, and we don’t have much $$$ for gifts. Right now the best gift of all would be a clean bill of health for our daughter. It would be very nice if all my pets were well too.

I’m unbelievable stressed out and beyond tired and fatigued. I can barely concentrate anymore. I wake up with headaches almost daily (I think it has to do with a cold and sinuses). I just want to crawl into a hole.

With everything going on I’m behind on blog posts and pulling winners for giveaways. I hope that you will all bare with me and understand that I am doing the best that I possibly can. My family has to come first. I will get all the posts done and I’ll try and get those with a deadline done in time. I’ll also get all the winner’s pulled too.

I really need a hug. A really big hug. Maybe some positive vibes and prayers would help too.

Sigh… I’m about to cry! I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

Thanks for letting me vent. I’m not sure who is going to be crazy enough to read this long post. If someone has, thank you. I do appreciate that with all my heart.

Kimberly

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About Kimberly

Kimberly Vetrano resides in the suburbs of New York City with her family, five cats, dog, a tank full of fish and snails. She is also a freelance writer and photographer.

Comments

  1. I can come if you a real hug if you want soon!!!

    • I might just have to take you up on the offer Alison.

      She has an appointment tomorrow across the river. Hopefully we’ll know more then.

      (( HUGS ))

  2. Oh Hun :( sending a big ((hug))!!! You have a lot on your plate. I had blood work done a few months ago and tested positive for ANA also (inflammation) I was referred to a rheumatologist, I’ve been having joint pain, and I went in for x rays and blood tests, but nothing has come of it yet. I really hope everything turns out fine!

    • Thanks Betty. I appreciate that a lot.

      I’m sorry that you have to go through something like this too. I hope they are able to figure out what is wrong so you can start treating it (and curing it if possible).

      (( Hugs ))

  3. Cheryl Clayborn says:

    Kim, Don’t cry! It sounds like you and I have had the same type of year! I am so sorry for all the troubles you’ve been having–especially the issue wit your daughter. Hopefully, though it will not be serious and can be easily treated. I’ve also had the most stressful year I’ve had in years, so I can feel your pain. I wish you all the best and will be praying for you and your family.

    Have a happy and healthy holiday,

    Cheryl

    • Thank you Cheryl.

      I’m sorry to hear that your year is not going well either. Mine was OK up until the last couple of months. Prior to that it was a great year.

      I appreciate it very much.

      A happy and healthy holiday to you too!

      (( HUGS )) Kimberly

  4. I almost forgot this:

    ***HUG***

    Take care,

    CC

  5. I read your whole post :) and I hope everything turns out well for your pets and especially your daughter

    • Thank you Lindley.

      It would make my Christmas if my daughter is OK and we can figure out what is wrong with our one cat and get that taken care of. Those would be the best presents anyone could ask for.

      (( HUGS )) Kimberly

  6. *hugs* to you. I have similar symptoms, but they are actually symptoms of a panic attack. It’s weird because it will come on when I am totally calm (often when I’m driving, which is really scary!) Anyway, hope things look up for you soon!

    • Thanks very much Maria. I’m sorry to hear that you have similar symptoms. I hope it’s nothing serious.

      She doesn’t have panic attacks, just those occasions where her hands turn snow white (literally white) when she’s cold. He hair also seems to fall out more so then it should.

      I appreciate the well wishes.

      (( HUGS ))

  7. Im so with you on all this… but keep your head up it will get better.

  8. I read it all and I am sorry for the circumstances. Here’s hoping things will be better soon. I am sending you a virtual big hug, happy thoughts, and prayers!

  9. I’ll pray for everyone and all your prts. I know eveything has a way of working out but you ca always hope it works out quickly. Sorry you are going through this. A sick child is hard. Big hugs for you!

    • Thank you Wendy. I appreciate that a lot. I just hope and pray the blood tests are wrong and she’ll be OK.

  10. ((hugs)) I know it’s hard when something is wrong with one of your babies, and when you add all the other stuff, it would be overwhelming to anyone! Sorry you feel so bad right now and I am sending positive thoughts your way!

  11. My heart is hurting for you right now as I can only imagine the stress and the worries that you are going through!!! and by all means— CRY if you have to!!! there is nothing wrong with tears~~~sometimes you just need to cry to make yourself feel as if you’ve let a bit of your hurts out. it’s better than telling yourself that you HAVE to be strong or that you HAVE to keep up appearances. we are only human beings and the fact that we have these feelings is what makes us human beings.
    I think we have all been in situations where it seems like our world is falling apart but when your kids are involved there is nothing that can erase the worry a mother will feel. I have a daughter who went through a lot of stuff last year and like you, i was a wreck worrying about her. Ended up she was having panic attacks!! Seems to me that a lot of her health issues revolved around things that were going on in her life as well as ours, and it all began affecting her. She worried about our finances, her finances, the health of her grandparents….I guess I didn’t notice a lot of what SHE was going through because I was trying to get through it all, too.
    I hope that things work out for you and your family and I will keep you all in my prayers. Praying IS the one thing that got me through and my faith is my biggest treasure in life…..it’s what gets me through everything. It’s easy to say that you believe in God when things are right with your world, but when things seem to fall apart I don’t think it’s a ‘test’ of our faith….I think it’s a time to reaffirm it.
    We all go through things in life and I guess more than anything it’s not WHAT we go through—it’s HOW we go through it. I was feeling sorry for myself a few weeks ago because my middle daughter wasn’t coming home for Thanksgiving and that is my favorite holiday. Instead of being excited that 20 other people were going to be here, I was focusing on missing my girl….and then I looked at my best friend one day and she was SO excited about being here for Thanksgiving and she was driving me crazy telling me that I need to stop being so down about Holly not being here~~~and I realized something….my friend is a widow. She HAD no one to cook for or to go home to because her husband was dead and her kids are all married and moved away. It hit me that everyone has something they go through. Every one of us, in some way, is dealing with hurts and fears and worries and disappointments in our lives…..we just need to know that we are not in it alone….
    We are here for you Kim—-in our thoughts and in our prayers. Vent all you want ….we’re listening and we DO care about what you go through!!!
    Hugs and love to you and your family and keep the faith that somehow things will work out. I know it’s easy to say to someone else….but afterall, that’s what faith is~~~still believing even when things seem hopeless.
    Please keep us posted….

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I appreciate that a lot.

      I am trying to keep it all in perspective. I know there are people and families far worse off. I keep trying to keep my head on straight about all of this. No matter what i will fight tooth and nail for my daughter and make sure she gets the best of everything (doctors, medication…). I just hope and pray it doesn’t come down to that.

      I’m sorry to hear about your daughter but I’m glad to know that you are aware of the situation and she’s better now (or at least getting there).

      I’m hoping and praying for a miracle and that mistakes do happen and hopefully they were wrong about the blood results and that she really is OK.

      I appreciate you letting me vent. Living in a small condo it’s hard to express things to your spouse without the kids being within hearing distance. My blog provides me with the outlet that I need sometimes.

      (( HUGS ))

  12. Colleen Turner says:

    I am so sorry for all you are having to go through right now! I know it’s hard but just keep on praying for your daughter’s health as well as your and the rest of your family’s health as well. I will definitely keep you in my prayers and will send virtual hugs to you!!!!

    • Thank you Colleen. I truly appreciate that VERY MUCH. We can use all the prayers and well wishes we can get.

      (( HUGS ))

  13. If your daughter hasn’t been, I think she needs to see a rheumatologist, Smith’s antibodies may mean that she has Lupius. I read that they are very specific for them.

    So sorry for all of your problems. you sure have a mess of them. Sending you some great big bear hugs.

    On the crappy condo. Part of the problem is that it is still a buyer’s market. We tried to sell our house, 3 bedroom, 2 baths in May and and gave up in July. Our agent suggested a price and we only got four people to come out to see it. Then we lowered the price, got many more lookers, Lowered it again and we were swamped but the buyers were crazy. Yes, I mean crazy. One of them wanted a new roof. We had the roof inspector from our house insurance company come out and look at it; He said our rood is great, no leak but has one shingle that is loose. Still the buyer wanted a new rood. We finally got rid of the buyer and then gave up on our realtor. We took a break and took it off the market and will start again with a new realtor. Guess the thought of going through that stress again, made me so depressed, I was in a blue funk for a long time. Now getting to accept it.

    • Thanks Carol.

      We’ve already dropped the price by $10K in about a month’s time. We know it’s a buyers market for sure but we can’t drop it any lower or we’ll end up owning money.

      You are right. They do sound crazy!

      Yes, it’s the Lupus I’m afraid of. I hope and pray they are wrong or the test results were wrong. I know nothing perfect. Mistakes happen and that is what I’m hoping and praying for – that it’s all a mistake and she’s fine.

      (( HUGS ))

  14. I’m so sorry for all your troubles lately. :-( Sending hugs and prayers your way! Take care!

  15. hi Kimberly ,
    big hugs to you, it always makes a difference a hug.
    also you are always looking on the bright side of things and after reading about all your loved ones
    you have so many people praying for you and hope all comes out that it is nothing to worry about
    lots of warm thoughts and prayers coming your way to you, your daughter and your cats and dogs

    • Thank you so very much Anja. It is greatly appreciated. I truly appreciate all the prayers, thoughts and well wishes.

      (( HUGS ))

  16. Kimberly,
    You and your family, including furbabies, are in my prayers. Take care of yourself. You have a lot on your plate to say the least. (((hugs)))

  17. Kimberly,
    It does seem like everything happens at once. And while they may say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…there are times when you wish it would. I’ve just had two of the worst years of my life…I think I’m finally climbing out and I hope you see light at the end of your tunnel soon. Remember to take of yourself, too – stress really does terrible things to a person. My prayers are with you and your family (two-legged and four-legged)
    hugs to you

    • Thank you very much Michele. I’m trying to be strong for my family. It’s not easy but I’m doing the best that I can. I can’t let my kids see that I’m frazzled, especially our daughter.

      I’m glad that things are better for you now. I hope you never have to go through anything bad ever again.

      (( HUGS ))

  18. Olivia Rubin says:

    You are not alone…and I hope your daughter sees the best rheumatologist there is. Many hugs to you and pats, pettings and kisses to your 2 and 4 legged family

  19. Olivia Rubin says:

    Also, Kim…my mom was diagnosed with an autoimmune neurological disease in July, Myasthenia Gravis. It causes the body to not accept acetcholine connections at receptor, so where ever it does not connect, that muscle is weakened. It is affecting her eyes/vision. Anyway, the first thing I did was typed in the local support chapter, spoke with out chapter President (6:15pm on a Friday), and found out which doctors they use. You want the doctors that affected people use, not who other doctors recommend. Patients know who is good. You dont just want to see a rheumatologist, but rather a rheumatologust that treats many with whatever she may be siffering from. Any doctor can print on a card that they specialize…its just an addiotnaol text box! it is the local chapter and its members that will know who is the best.Just my suggestion. My mom is seeing the best nueorolagist that specialize in thsi in our area because of this

  20. Wow, tough times huh? No wonder you’re so stressed out! I hope all goes well for you soon..let us know if we can do anything to help