Quantcast

How do you deal with a still unfulfilled life?

1205205_higher_1

If you could get a second chance at life, what would you do?

I am married the the love of my life. I have two beautiful and healthy children. I have been blessed to be a stay-at-home mom for nearly 16 years. For some people I have an ideal life. And while I do agree with that, there are still those days when I feel like my life is not completely fulfilled. It feel horrible saying that, but it’s true.

Please don’t get me wrong. I would not change a single thing about my husband, children or being a stay-at-home mom. I would not give that up – not even for a moment. That is not what I mean about feeling like my life is not yet fulfilled. I just mean that there are aspects of my life that I would want to change or do over again because I feel like there are some voids in my life that could have been filled if I would have done things differently.

Take for example college and a career. I was in college working towards my Bachelor’s Degree in Social Work. My “game plan” was to move on to a Master’s Degree in Forensic Psychology. I wanted to be a criminal profiler. In addition to that I had hoped to become a write and write books about my experiences. I guess that all stems from reading a lot of true crime books.

When I was 7 months pregnant with my eldest child I dropped out of college. My college was located 2 hours away, so it was a 4 hour drive each day (I only went on Saturdays). It was getting to be too much being pregnant (not to mention I felt uncomfortable in the little chairs). I ended up dropped out 1/2 way through a semester. I had planned on going back to school and finishing up after our daughter was born. She’ll be 16 in May. I dropped out of school 16 years ago and never went back.

I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if I finished college and received my Master’s Degree. Would I have a career right now? Would I be a Forensic Psychologist? Would I have written any books? I’ll never know.

Dropping out of college and never going back is one of my biggest regrets in life. Now when I go back to work I’ll be lucky to get an office job. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 16 years. I am in my 40’s and I’m overweight. I’m not exactly the type of employee people are searching for. Not only that, I don’t know what skill I could put down on my resume to make me sound like someone a company would want to have. I don’t know how well blogging and social media skills transfer over on to a resume.

Dream House

Another thing in life that I feel unfulfilled about is having a house. Ever since I was a little girl I have always dreamed of having my own house. Not to sound corny but I’ve dreamed of having the house with the white picket fence – the quintessential All-American home. I even had visions of Lilac bushes planted all around, a small functioning garden and watching my kids shoot hoops or ride their bikes in the driveway. Instead I live in a shoebox size condo. We have a rusty metal fence in front  of the building and there isn’t a basketball hoop to be found. My kids can’t ride bikes in the parking lot because they risk getting hit by reckless drivers who zip through the parking lot (even though the speed limit signs says 15 MPH).

About 10 years ago I messed up BIG TIME paying the bills. I won’t go into all the details but let’s just say I “robbed from Peter to pay Paul” (I would take cash advances from one credit card to pay another). The debt snowballed out of control. Our ONLY option was to refinance our condo making us own pretty much double what we originally owed. There was no way a house was even a thought back then. Fast forward to today. Our condo is on the market but other similar condos are selling for $10K – $25K LESS then ours. We have to sell it for what we owe (plus about $10K more to cover the commission and other fees). Even if we’re lucky to sell we’ll walk away with nothing. Nothing to put down on a new place. No movie money. Literally – nothing.

Had I not messed up our finances we would owe about $50K on our condo, if not less. With the average condo selling around here for $130K we could have walked away with close to $80K in profit. More then enough to buy our dream home plus plenty left over for expenses and for savings.

That is my second biggest regret. And because of that I don’t feel fulfilled because our family doesn’t have a house. My kids were robbed of having a backyard to play in or the ability to have friends come over and play. Growing up my daughter always wanted a pink canopy bed and my son wanted a sandbox. Those are two things they missed out on. Instead of coloring the driveway with chalk or chasing Fireflies in the yard they have had to live in cramped quarters with no yard. :-(

484557_10151146950708973_1327850366_n

I often wonder, if I had a second chance to do things over again, how would I do things differently? I know I would never drop out of college. And I certainly NEVER would have caused us to get into debt. There are also a few other things I can think of that I wish I could change because if I could my life would seem more fulfilling and meaningful.

Here is an interesting article from Dr. D Ivan Young that talks about second chances and life fulfillment. I thought maybe some of my readers might enjoy it.

It does not matter what your religious beliefs are, what your nationality is, your race or your gender or even how much money you do or don’t have. No matter what you’ve done in your life, no matter who you have hurt or who has maimed you, no matter what you’ve achieved or failed to accomplish, you’re still alive. You’re here for a reason and you have the power to choose how to live the rest of your life. So what do you want to do?

Like most of us, Dr. D Ivan Young has had to face up to his failures and short comings, and understands the pain we are feeling and going through.  His new book Another Chance…Where Would You Be Without One! has profound words of advice for both men and women who want transformation, who need help in making the right decisions, so that they can become the very best that they can possibly be. Nonetheless, he isn’t going to mince words or hold back anything. He is not about warm fuzzies. Dr. D provides the guidance that helps us to master the tools necessary for living a profoundly extraordinary life.

Dr. D Ivan Young understands that lots of people are feeling pretty lost in the world we live in. Today people need some hard evidence that they are on the right path. They need something special that changes their life, revamping it so they can achieve their true destiny. This book provides the step by step insight we need to bring lasting transformation to our lives.

But unfortunately all they really have is the lingering pain of a bad experience with someone, a lot of confused feelings, time on their hands and maybe a cell phone. Okay, they’ve got the memories of the past and the shattered hopes and false expectations built on habits that feel like an itch you can’t reach, scratch, let alone get rid of anymore.

So he’s going to give it to you straight. From this moment forth, nothing that has happened to you really matters. Why, what, or who is to blame is inconsequential. Truth be told If, you’re going to change for the better and change the way things go today, you must become accountable for everything. Dr. D Ivan Young’s, Another Chance will help you to discover where beauty is in your ashes.

You have the green light. It’s time for you to choose the better portion of what life has to offer. He’s going to tell you exactly what you need to do to get started.  It’s going to allow you to not only get on with your life but create a whole new and better life. So get ready and get set, for here’s what you need to do. Here’s a sampling of what you are in for:

Leaving the Comfort Zone – Far More Than A First Step

Whatever the case, those choices you’ve made have landed you right where you are today. The sooner you come to grips with this reality, the better. It isn’t good, nor is it bad; it just is what it is. The good news, however, is that those choices brought you to this moment and prepared you to take full advantage of it. A good question to ask yourself now is, “Where does that leave me?”

Well, to answer you, it leaves you in a wonderfully exciting place filled with unlimited possibilities, immeasurable chances, and limitless options. Never have you been in such a good position to be successful at whatever you set your mind to. And beyond that, you have the power to choose who and what you want to be.

However, deciding to do something about your future is the most important decision you will ever make. Scary isn’t it?

Starting from Scratch – And You Thought It Was A Curse

Seldom does anyone just pop out of bed saying, “Let me get my **** together today.” If only it were that simple, but it isn’t. The truth is, most people need to lose something first, something they took for granted, before they heed life’s wake-up call. It is called the TUI-SOYB Effect, which stands for The Universe Is Sick of Your B.S.

If you are like most people, frustration, circumstances, and failure force you to raise the white flag. It usually takes a combination of loss, embarrassment, shame, and guilt for most people to finally come to the realization that they had better give up their old ways of thinking and behaving.

After bumping your head for the second or third; perhaps even fourth or fifth time, fate has coerced you into accepting the fact that if you don’t immediately change how you live your life, you won’t have a life.

Change demands action. The time to start is right now.

Everything Happens for a Reason – You’re Not Alone

Every significant thing taking place in your life right now is happening for a reason. Whether you accept it or not, divine forces are working on your behalf. You are not alone in this. But it is up to you to embrace or reject the helping hands.

A Geiger Counter goes off whenever it senses radioactivity in anything within close proximity. Your internal guidance systems function in much the same way. The closer you get to doing the right thing, especially at the right time, your spirit bears witness unto itself. The more  motivated and enthused you become, the more your spirit resonates because you’re in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. That’s not a bliss-filled co-occurrence. It’s your inner being, a.k.a., your “Spirit,” reaffirming that you are on target.

This internal system validates, or invalidates, everything you do. It reacts vehemently each time you connect with your divine purpose. The exact opposite takes place when you’re doing something stupid, something that’s not in your best interest, or something not serving your greatest of good. Whenever your enthusiasm drops like crap from a bird on a newly-washed car, it’s confirmation you’re out of sync with your purpose. It’s affirmation that you are exactly where you ought not be. Anytime you feel those hairs standing on your arm, or an unsettling feeling in your gut, trust what you are feeling, move around, and do so quickly.

So wake up! Tune in. Pay attention. And turn on the light within you.

You’re getting Another Chance.

This is from the book Another Chance… Where Would You Be Without One! by Dr. D. Ivan Young. It’s available at many book retail locations. Fore more information visit www.DIvanYoung.com.

Do you feel like your life is fulfilled? Do you wish you had a second chance to do certain things over again? Please feel free to comment. I always love to hear from my readers.

Another Chance D Ivan Young

Kimberly

*I was not compensated for this post. I posted this for the enjoyment of my site readers. Any opinions expressed are my own unless otherwise noted. Article has been posted with permission.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it with others, leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed or e-mail. ♥

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts
About Kimberly

Kimberly Vetrano resides in the suburbs of New York City with her family, five cats, dog, a tank full of fish and snails. She is also a freelance writer and photographer.

Comments

  1. I know exactly how you feel! I’m 47 and not pleased at all about my weight. I also have unfulfilled hopes and dreams, but to a certain extent, I am happy where I am. I adore my husband (the only thing I’d change is to give him a more positive, optimistic spirit). My job is very satisfying. We make a comfortable enough living (we’re better off than a lot of people, but as is human nature, I suppose, I’d like to have more money in the bank).

    Here’s the way I look at life: It’s a pathway, full of rocks and boulders, bends and curves, hills and valleys. You can’t see what’s ahead, and you don’t have a map. Every moment you have choices. Do you take the left fork or the right? Do you climb over the fallen tree or crawl under it? Do you push the rock out of the way or shove your way through the brambles around it? A couple of times, I’ve hit a dead end or an impossible impasse, so I turned around and went back. In a way, it’s frustrating to retrace your steps and run into the people you thought you were going to pass by using a shortcut, but if the way becomes a little easier, it’s worth it, and maybe you learned something about yourself.

    Sure I wish I’d stuck it out a little longer at one of my jobs, just to see if the big corporation that bought out the company would have offered me a position in New York. I’m not sure I would have been happy there, if they had offered it to me, but it would be nice to know. And where would I be now if I hadn’t quit my job in 2007 to try something different, only to return to the same position and pay four years later. Would I have gotten a promotion or would I have lost my job in the layoffs in 2008? No way to know. I just have to trust I did the right thing.

    Here are my thoughts on your situation as described:

    Your blog skills are sure to translate – you know how to communicate, to express yourself well, to write anything from reports to press releases. You’re creative. You’re internet and social media savvy. You’re computer literate. You work with major corporations and individuals. How are all those skills -not- relevant in many jobs out there?

    Your financial troubles are what they are. You learned a valuable lesson, but you can’t do anything but your best going forward. Don’t let it drag you down.

    You can go back to school. I’m not sure if there’s a “statue of limitations” for the credits you earned before. Talk to a guidance counselor or whatever they call them these days and see what you’d have to do to transfer the credits or pick up where you left off. You can earn a lot of credits with online classes these days, so maybe you can ease back into things at your own pace from home (or a library if you need to get away for a couple of hours to focus).

    You don’t have to have a college degree to be a writer. You obviously know how to write (as referenced above). I’m sure you know how to do research on the internet. You can develop your own fictional stories or look for interesting “true crime” incidents to write about. Find a paying publisher, whether it’s online or a magazine/book publisher.

    Maybe you’ll see a trail branching off from the road you’re on now or maybe you just have to pull out a machete and hack your own way through the forest, but either way, you can turn and see where a new path will take you.

  2. Annmarie W. says:

    Thank you so much for this! I am living what most others would see as a ‘dream life’, in a wonderful marriage with 2 great kids and fortunate enough to stay home to raise them. But as they get older & need me less (for day to day functioning), I often feel like I need to “get a life”. It’s nice to see that I’m not alone in continuing to want to make more of myself and to think about what second chances I can maybe make for myself to be more fulfilled!

  3. I’m so happy I stumbled upon this post. I’ve found myself wrestling with feeling of inadequacy lately. My story is a bit different than yours. I’m currently still in college, but I should have graduated two years ago. At first I could only attend school part-time because I just couldn’t afford it. Then finally when I had the chance to go full-time I got pregnant with our daughter. This has set my career plans back considerably. I’m finally just getting ready to graduate, but I’m terrified that I won’t find employment because it has taken me so long to graduate.

    I’ve been fighting with maintaining my weight, trying to balance blogging, working, schoolwork and of course spending as much time with my husband and daughter as possible, but it just seems I can’t cram everything in. Every day acts like cooking and cleaning are becoming less and less important and that only adds to my struggles with maintaining my weight. It doesn’t add to my self confidence that my best friend is a fitness guru and constant puts these “no excuses” banner on her face and talks about her success story 24/7. I’m sorry but when you have severely limited funds and you literally spend all day in class, and then all night studying come home at 10 pm and still have to clean up and prep for a dinner that you won’t be able to enjoy, that’s not an excuse, that’s a reality.

    I guess I’m still trying to figure out where I fit in the scheme of things. I’m rapidly approaching 30 and I feel as if I’ve missed out on life because I’ve been in such pursuit of accomplishments that are always just beyond my grasp. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would have been had I just outright been able to afford college. Where would I be in life? Not that I don’t absolutely love my daughter with all my heart, but sometimes you have to wonder what might have been. I want her to have grow up in a beautiful home with a huge backyard, but every day I feel that dream slipping from my grasp.

    I do very much agree with the poster above that your blogging skills will translate on a resume. You’re obviously computer savvy and great at communicating. Your blog seems to have flourished over the years. Companies want people like that to work for them. Have the confidence in yourself to recognize your worth. This is something I have to remind myself daily.

    “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of your dreams.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
    No matter how old you are, or what obstacles may lie in your path, you will always have the ability to dream.

  4. As a Life Coach it’s my duty to tell you it’s NEVER too late. Over time, debts can be reversed, and as mentioned above you can go back to school for that masters, you can get a masters online and do the distance learning route so school fits into your schedule instead of the other way around.

    And I know this one is hard on people at first, but grab a notebook or journal and every single night write three things you are grateful for. Never write negative emotions in that journal, use a separate one for that, on New Year’s Eve read over that journal, it will help you see just how fulfilling your life really is!

Trackbacks

  1. […] This is my response to a question posed by Kimberly at She Scribes. […]