Quantcast

How to Fall in Love with Yourself & Live Happily Ever After

 

1198045_smile_mr__sun

I am not sure if it comes out in my writing, or chatting on my blog’s Facebook and Twitter pages, but I am a VERY shy person. Once I “warm up” to people I’m not that bad, but I still have shy tendencies. I’m kind of like a “wallflower” in a way – I blend into the background, you don’t really notice me, and I tend to observer rather then hop into conversations.

I don’t want to be a shy or quiet person. I WANT to be the life of the party. I simply have ZERO confidence and ZERO self-esteem.

I hate it when people blame things on their parents and don’t take responsibility for their own actions. However there are cases where the parents ARE to blame. In my case I blame my biological mother. To make a long story short, she abandoned me – literally! While my father was in Japan (he was stationed there when he was in the Army) my biological mother packed up her things from their apartment here in NY and just left me (then only a toddler) and their dog in the apartment. She called my paternal grandparents and told them “If you want her go and get her” (as I was told). When they arrived they found just me and the dog.

When my father was able to return from Japan and go to court asking for a divorce my biological mother not only granted him a divorce but also gave my father full custody of me and never wanted any kind of visitation rights. Then she just disappeared.

I lived in the same house (with my grandparents who became my mom and dad) for over 25+ years. If my biological mother wanted to reach out to me she could have easily found me. She never did. Nor has anyone from her family.

19553_319912768972_5370947_n

I think subconsciously I have no sense of self worth because I believe I’m not good enough because my biological mother didn’t want me. I know I’m a worthy person. I truly do! But I think there is something deep down inside of me that prevents me from fully feeling that way.

I have also always had weight issues, even as a little girl. When my mom and dad got custody of me I was very sick. So sick that I had to be hospitalized. My biological mother didn’t take care of me. From what I was told all she fed me was powdered milk mixed with water – no real foods. My mom wanted to get me healthy again and to get me to eat food she would let me eat whatever I wanted, even if it meant cookies and candy. I eventually got to be a chubby child. And you know how cruel kids can be.

All through school I wanted to fit in and be liked, but people made fun of me because of my weight. If you were an overweight child I’m sure you can totally relate. It’s not easy being overweight.

Between my biological mother abandoning me and kids at school not wanting to be friends with me, has really done damage to my sense of self worth. I never feel like I’m good enough. I always feel like I have to “bend over backwards” to make people like me. I am very much a “people pleaser” and will do things for others, even if I don’t want to, just so that they like me. I know that is the wrong way to look at things but that is how I am. It’s not easy to un-do 40+ years.

19553_319912728972_6189575_n

My mom always told me that you have to learn to love yourself. I DO love myself to some degree. I know I’m a good person with a great big heart. But I still have major issues with self esteem. I also have no confidence at all because I’m always second guessing myself. I’m always afraid I’m going to mess things up and people will make fun of me and not want to be my friend anymore (which all stems back to being an overweight child).

EVERY DAY I try and break out of this shell. I want to be confident! I want to feel “worthy”! I want people to see the REAL me. It’s just not that easy to get to that point.

I came across an article (I have permission to share) that I think is really good and goes along with the idea of self worth and loving yourself. It’s by Richard Jaffe.

In his years as a successful entrepreneur creating and selling corporations to the likes of Coca-Cola and Kimberly-Clark, Richard Jaffe, one of the owners of the Phoenix Suns, found a few constants to guide him in business and in life.

“Love myself; live my values, and learn to give back,” says Jaffe, who gained respect as an inspirational leader.

The most important of these and the key to happiness, he says, is learning to love himself. It’s a recurring theme in the poetry he’s been writing for decades and recently published in, “Inner Peace & Happiness: Reflections to Grow Your Soul,” www.RichardJaffe.net.

“I’ve found that loving myself is fundamental to my happiness,” he says. “The one person I have a relationship with for my entire life is myself, so it’s essential to make that relationship my priority. When I have the inner peace that comes from loving myself, I don’t have to look to others to fill my emotional needs and wants.”

How does one learn to love him- or herself and to be happy? For Jaffe, it came from living and acting on his values in business and in his personal life, whether he was struggling or succeeding.

“These are the things that have worked for me,” he says. “Values guide my choices, and my choices affect how I feel about myself and how I interact with others.”

These are some of the values and tenets that have helped make Jaffe an exceedingly happy man.

• Find your passion and indulge in it. Jaffe has been expressing himself through poetry for 30 years – that is one of his greatest passions. “Poetry helps to provide me balance in life between work, family and other external commitments,” he says. “When I allow myself time to indulge in my passion, I recharge my spirit, my mind and my body.”

• Remember – givers gain. Even when he was a broke young entrepreneur, Jaffe and his wife of 28 years, Ann, always made sure to give to the community, to their temple, to charity. “Give even when you have nothing,” he says. “It always comes back to bless you, though sometimes from a different source.”

• Don’t rely on anyone else to make you happy. It doesn’t work, Jaffe says. When your happiness is dependent on your love for someone else, they control your happiness.  Love doesn’t always stick around – sometimes it comes into our lives in order to teach us how to care. We have to rely on ourselves.

• Be the very best you can be at whatever you do. Don’t compare yourself to your competition, to history, to anyone else. Instead, raise the bar on yourself. “Even if I get knocked down at something, I can be happy when I know I gave it my very best effort,” Jaffe says. “I don’t always succeed, but I can give an even better effort the next time because I will have learned from being knocked down. Defeat is being knocked down; failure is the unwillingness to get back up!”

• Control your thoughts and keep them positive. “My kids used to come to me to complain when they were unhappy about something,” Jaffe says. “I would tell them, ‘If you do not like the way you feel, just change the way you think!’ It drove them crazy!” But they did eventually understand that their negative thoughts were making them feel bad. Jaffe says beware — thinking positively is habit-forming, at least for him.

About Richard Jaffe

Richard Jaffe is one of the owners of the NBA Phoenix Suns basketball team, a successful business leader and longtime philanthropist. Most recently the CEO of Safe Life Corp., a medical technology company, he also founded Safe Skin Corp., a latex glove manufacturer (acquired by Kimberly-Clark Corp.) and Nutri-Foods International, a frozen dessert company (sold to the Coca-Cola Co.) He is a member of the U.S. Golf Association’s Presidents Council and a supporter of numerous charitable projects. His first published book of poetry, “Inner Peace & Happiness,” is a reflection of the values and lessons learned in business and in life. He and his wife of 28 years, Ann, are the proud parents of three grown children.

I am going to take some if his tips to heart. I am going to work on my passions a bit more. I love writing and I love taking pictures. I just wish I could find a way to combine the two. I also have to learn to stop comparing myself to others. That is a hard one for me. Even as a blogger I find that I compare myself to others. When I hear about get opportunities that other bloggers get it makes me think that me and my blog are not good enough. I know it’s wrong to feel that way. I just need to retrain my brain into thinking that maybe me and my blog were not what the company was looking for or not a good fit for the opportunity rather then they simply didn’t like me.

I also need to control my thoughts like Richard suggested and try and keep more positive thoughts.

Do you have low self-esteem or low self worth issues? Do you totally lack confidence? If so, how to you deal with it? Do you have any tips or advice not only for me but for others who might be reading this?

I love to hear from my readers. Feel free to weigh in and share your thoughts.

1244029_sunburst

Kimberly

*I was not compensated for this post. I posted this for the benefit of my site readers.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it with others, leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed or e-mail. ♥

Related Posts:

  • No Related Posts
About Kimberly

Kimberly Vetrano resides in the suburbs of New York City with her family, five cats, dog, a tank full of fish and snails. She is also a freelance writer and photographer.

Comments

  1. Kimberly Listrud says:

    <3 Only advice is to remember each new day is a do-over. You get to leave yesterday's junk and mess-ups behind each new day! I think you are awesome. I love your blog.

  2. I loved reading your story, I was very touched by it. I am hoping you will learn to love yourself the way you should. I will take some of these tips into practice in my own life as well. Thanks for this amazing post!

  3. I am sorry that your birth Mother was so heartless. It was probably best that she didn’t stick around to inflict more emotional damage. Focus on who you are now. You have 2 great children so you must be a good mother. You have a successful blog. You are a good writer. You have a loving heart. You took in a kitten that was near death and it is thriving. You are beautiful. You may need to lose some weight but so does half of America. We have never met but I follow your blog. I enjoy reading your blog. I don’t comment often but I wanted to say, I think you deserve all the happiness in the world. Sorry I’m not as eloquent as you. You would write this better.

  4. I feel you Hun!! My father abandoned me and my mom betrayed me in a way that I could never have the courage to tell a stranger how. But I’ve had self esteem issues ever since I can remember and have always felt like I needed approval from others and I tried my best to make people like me. I have anxiety issues because of it. That’s a great article now if I could learn o apply it to my life is easier said than done

  5. That story is so sad, but you must look at the cute little girl in the photos and give her your love because she is still inside of you waiting for your love and approval. Read Louise Hay’s book “Heal Your Life”. She has many videos on youtube with exercises on loving yourself. It will change your life. Bless you. Ann

  6. Hey Kimberly, I come from a broken home and can relate to your feelings of inadequacy and no confidence. Although my situation wasn’t as hard as yours, I have still known the fear that comes from the idea of becoming the center of attention and striving to do more with myself than hide in the shadows.

    Little by little, I’ve been helped out of that though and I really think it’s a lifelong process. I’ve been learning to work every day at being just a little bit different, a little more outdoing, a little more confident. And although it can be difficult, it’s taking me to dreams, hopes, and places that I didn’t think I’d go.

    This article from my publisher has helped me to familius.com/how-to-perform-at-your-best, even when I’m feeling down or afraid.