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The infamous “First Kiss” – Now what?

 

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There is not doubt that we live in an amazing time. The Internet, smartphones, the ability to watch a movie in a tiny device in your hand while sitting in a waiting room, answering a phone call hands free while driving your car… all of this stuff is truly amazing.

Cable was the greatest thing ever when I was a teen. And I couldn’t survive a moment without watching MTV. My tape recorder was my world. These things are pretty lame compared to what kids these days are able to experience.

As a parent technology does irk me a bit. My kids would rather text me FROM THE NEXT ROOM than walk our of the room and ask me what they needed to ask me. They both have cellphones but won’t answer them when we call them. They will only text. Since when is talking on the phone “un-cool”?

I’m grateful that my kids are not into video or computer games. We have a Wii but it’s gathering dust because no one plays with it.

Both of my kids have their own laptops. The are allowed to use them for homework or on the weekends. We try and limit their computer time so they focus on schoolwork. My son will live on the computer all weekend long where as my daughter hasn’t touched her computer in ages. Her life is her phone. She lives in a world of texting, Snap Chat, Vine, Tumblr, Instagram and things like that. The quickest way to “destroy her life” (as she puts it) is to take away her phone. It’s as if you are ripping the heart out of her chest.

I totally get it. I know if I was a teenager growing up in today’s world I would probably be the same way. That is why we don’t deny them many of these things, but as a parent we need  to keep check on what they are doing and make sure that they make school work a priority and not uploading a dozen new “selfies” to Tumblr.

Both of our children are teenagers. Our daughter just turned 16 and our son will be 14 in the fall. We know they are growing up and we’ll soon be faced with new challenges such as dating, driving, jobs, preparing for college and of course the ever present teenage angst and rebellion.

I think we have a bit more time left before we have to worry about our son and dating. He has crushes on girls but he’s painfully shy and has zero self esteem and confidence (much to our dismay). Girls love him. They treat him like a brother. As he puts it he’ll forever be in the “Friend Zone”. We need to work on his confidence and self esteem before we have to worry about him and girls.

Our daughter on the other hand… sigh…she drives us crazy!

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When she was 14 she had a “boyfriend”. I’ll use that term loosely because it was never really a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. Some boy she sort of knew from school was video chatting with a friend of hers while she was sleeping over the girl’s house. She started talking to the boy which rolled over into Facebook and cellphone messaging. This went on for a few weeks until one day he asked her out. There was no way I was letting a 14 year old date. What I did do is let her meet him for lunch at McDonalds. The boy lived right next McDonalds and I had to go food shopping at the grocery store near by. I dropped her off to have lunch with him while I shopped. By the time I parked my car in the grocery store parking lot she had texted me and asked me to come and get her. She realized she made a big mistake and didn’t like him at all.

I made sure she “broke up” with him nicely so as not to hurt his feelings. The boy didn’t take it too well and did bad mouth her to his friends at school, but that is all water under the bridge now.

There have been a few other boys who have shown interest in her. One boy we nicknamed “Fred” (he resembles Lucas Cruikshank, the boy who plays that character Fred), I really liked. He had a great head on his shoulders and made school a priority. They texted a lot (I read some of the texts just to make sure everything was OK). She liked him but he didn’t really like her so that ended after a few months (strictly texting – he went to the high school and she was in the junior high at the time).

At the start of the school year this year (this past September) a senior boy liked her (she’s a sophomore). That lasted only a couple of weeks. He wanted to drive her home after school (we told her no) and meet her in between classes (she would never meet him). So he moved on.

Then a couple of months ago there was another senior boy. This one also drove and had his own car. She secretly met him at the local baseball stadium (minor league). She told us she was meeting her friend (a girl). She did meet her girl friend there – but the boy was also there.

Based on things she told me you can tell that he really liked her. He even kissed her on the cheek one day in school. Then one day she suddenly stopped talking to him and whenever I would mention his name she would say “Ewww. No!”. I have no idea what happened but I do know that she refers to him as “Ship” – as in the “That ship has sailed”.

Enter a new boy. They go to school together. He’s in the same grade (thankfully). They met on Twitter! Since when has Twitter become the new Match.com? LOL!

They have been tweeting messages and text messaging each other for a few weeks. In the past two weeks they have been meeting each other in between classes. Based on past experiences I just figured this relationship would go the same was as the other boy – that his ship would sail in another week or so. That is until I get this text message from my daughter this morning (she texted me from school).

First Kiss Screen Shot

???????!!!!!!

So there was have it. The infamous “First Kiss” – the kiss that most people will remember for the rest of their lives. I still remember my first kiss. I was 18 years old. The boy (my first boyfriend) kissed me while we were hanging out by the reservoir late one night. Actually my first kiss was more like a make out session, but I won’t go there. :-)

Something as special as a first kiss and she had to TEXT me about it? She couldn’t tell me VERBALLY when she got home from school today? Sigh…

I know I’m not the greatest parent. I’m far from it. But I do try my best. I try and keep an open relationship with my kids, especially my daughter, so that she knows she can talk to me about stuff like dating, kissing and other things she might not otherwise feel comfortable talking to me about.

I hope she feels comfortable enough to tell me what happened when she gets home from school today. Chances are she won’t.

As a parent I want to know all the nitty gritty details – the who, what, where, how and when of it all. BUT… I know that is unrealistic of me to ask for all the details. After all, I never even told my mom I was seeing someone, let alone getting kissed.

It was hard to talk to my mom about relationships and boys. She didn’t want to hear anything about it. She had her strict rules (NO dating until I was 18). I’m not kidding when I say she didn’t even want to know I was having sex even when I was 28 years old, pregnant and married. LOL!

To all the parents out there who have raised (and survived) teenagers, now what? My daughter had her first real kiss. What should I say, or not say? What should I do or not do? I want to keep the lines of communication open, so I don’t want to scare her off. But at the same time I’m her mom and I want to make sure she’s not going to do anything she’s not suppose to and that she’s safe. We did the best we could raising her and teaching her right from wrong, but she’s also easily influenced and has a bit of a rebellious streak in her, so doing the right thing all the time might go out the window.

I’m certainly open to advice and suggestions. This is the first time I am dealing with something like this (my hubby too). I want to make sure I do the right thing.

Parenting can be no fun sometimes.

My daughter as a newborn - 16 years ago!

My daughter as a newborn – 16 years ago!

Kimberly

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About Kimberly

Kimberly Vetrano resides in the suburbs of New York City with her family, five cats, dog, a tank full of fish and snails. She is also a freelance writer and photographer.

Comments

  1. Thank GOD I have boys. LOL. Speaking from a childs point of view, I would not ask about the kiss, just let her talk to you, but let her know that she can come to you if she has questions. And also speaking as a child. If you were my mother I would be pissed you are writing her personal info on line, LOL, LOL. Sorry, but it is true!!! Good luck!!!—

  2. Rebecca Peters says:

    I am dreading my oldest getting older.. she will be 10 soon and her and her little friends talk about cute boys and all that jazz.. No kisses till shes in her 20s!

  3. oh my they sure do grow up fast

  4. Robin Wilson says:

    M’dear you are fretting over nothing ~ trust me. You should be thrilled that she told/texted you about it. I know that you are strict on your kids in order to protect them and perhaps yourself a little too. But they do grow up, nothing we can do stop it. Trust me, if it could be done I would have found a way! I would tread lightly about this subject. You don’t want to have her get to the point that she doesn’t want to tell you about all these wondrous events for fear she will get grilled. From what I have read in your prior posts you have a couple of great, normal, totally normal kids!

  5. they grow up way too quick! can’t they be young forever!

  6. Cathy Shaw says:

    It’s such a different world for the kids of today. In my day, a transistor radio was as cool as it got! But first kisses, wow, that experience can’t be too different!

  7. Blessie Nelson says:

    I love your honesty and how you share your life! Did she share finally? Is she happy?

  8. Tammy S says:

    I think its a good thing that she told you. Text or in person makes no difference. she at least told you. I think the most important thing to do now is just listen to her and be open. Make sure she knows how you feel and that you trust her to make the right choices in any situation. My son is 21 and he still comes to me and talks to me about his situations with girls and everything else. I try not to lecture, I listen and give advice from my experience and keep the lines of communication open.
    That’s my two cents.

  9. The first kiss is a great milestone, congrats!

  10. Natalie F says:

    I am dreading this moment. But I LOVE this post. Funny and informative. Sounds like you are doing good with your teens, I would have NEVER told my mom about my first kiss! EVERY!

  11. Maria Iemma says:

    I have three kids, two boys and a girl. The girl was always the most intense – It is nice that your daughter shares with you – most kids now a days do not.

  12. I wouldn’t say much about it, so as to play it down. She’ll always remember it as her first kiss, but at her age now, if you play it up (by overreacting positive or negative) it makes it seem like that kind of thing is really important – and really need not be at that age.

  13. Sounds like you’ve raised a wonderful daughter! Just the simple act of her telling you about the kiss means she trusts you and sees you as a friend. A 16 year old who takes time to get to know boys first, before moving forward is a great thing. She has a good head on her shoulders and you should feel proud of having such a great kid.

  14. That’s funny about your daughter wanting to be picked up immediately at McDonalds. It appears even teens are Internet Dating like their parents.

  15. Boxer French says:

    Aww! How sweet that she told you about it. Won’t she be a little embarrassed that you told us about it though? :)

  16. I have three kids that are adults now. I am so glad those teen age years are over, because those were trying years for me. Thanks of sharing your story.