Have you been following the story on the Internet about the “ungrateful” brides and the “cheap” wedding guests? I’m using the terms “ungrateful” and “cheap” because I don’t want to truly label anyone.
In a nutshell a woman and her boyfriend were invited to a co-workers wedding. As a wedding gift they gave them a wicker basket filled with goodies – Tri-color pasta, salsas, Balsamic vinegar and Olive oil, Gourmet croutons, Panko Breading, Pesto, some baking ingredients, Biscuits from Godiva. They also included other goodies such as Sour Patch Kids, Butterscotch sauce and Marshmallow Fluff. The note on the gift read “Life is delicious….Enjoy“.
One of the brides (it was a same-sex marriage) texted the gift giver asking for the receipt for the gift because her spouse couldn’t have glutten. The guest pointed out that just a week or so before they were all together at a restaurant, eating pasta, and there was never any mention of gluten. He apologized because he was unaware of a gluten issue and dug the receipt out of the garbage.
The next day he gets a text from the other bride, lecturing him on “wedding etiquette”, and informing him that they spent $100 per plate per guest and that they should have given them cash, or at least a gift worth that amount. To quote the bride “Weddings are to make money for your future. Not to pay for peoples meals.”
The gift giver pointed out that weddings are a celebration, not a way to make money.
My husband and I eloped. Sometimes I miss not having the fancy wedding and beautiful dress. Other times I am grateful that we did to avoid all the headaches, drama and expenses.
My husband and I are humble people. We don’t have a lot of money and we live below our means. When we give each other gifts it’s gifts from the heart, not $$$$ gifts. For example, one Christmas all I was able to get my husband was a Matchbox/Hot Wheels type car (I can’t remember which one it was). He used to talk about his favorite toy car when he was a little boy. It was the same car from the Smokey and the Bandit movies. After doing much research and looking around I found the exact toy car he had and bought it for him. It cost me around $12 but it’s one of the best gifts he’s ever received, as per my husband.
This past Christmas I got him a plush teddy bear. Not just any teddy bear. It’s Ted E. Bear from the Christmas special The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas. It’s one of his favorite holiday specials. He loved it and proudly displayed it on the back of our couch.
My husband has given me gifts from the heart too such as a poem he wrote me that he had printed on a sweatshirt. When our daughter was an infant I needed a new diaper bag because the one I had was falling apart and he gave me a new one. Was it an exciting or expensive gift? No. But he knew it was something I wanted and needed.
If I had a fancy, $$$$$$$$$, wedding I wouldn’t expect all my guests to compensate me in cash or gifts for the amount of money it cost me to feed them. That is a horrible thing to expect. I know that people have budget issues. I wouldn’t expect a family member or friend who can barely get by to shell out hundreds in cash just to attend my wedding. I would want that family member or friend to be a guest at my wedding to celebrate the day with me.
My husband was in the wedding party for his best friend. We knew we would have to buy them an expensive gift only because he was a member of the bridal party. His friend told him he did not want a gift from us. All he wanted was for my husband to take a sip of champagne. My husband is 45 years old and has never, ever tasted alcohol. He has no interest in it. His friend on the other hand loves to drink and all he wanted was for my husband to take ONE SIP of champagne in lieu of a gift. My husband opted for a gift.
His wedding cost about $100 per person, but all we could afford was $150 in cash. I doubt his friend would have complained. After all, he didn’t want a gift he just wanted my hubby to sip some champagne.
They spent over $50,000+ on the wedding AND bought a (then) $250,000+ house. He cheated on his wife and two years later they were divorced. Sigh…
My husband and I haven’t gone to many weddings because of the pressure to give expensive gifts. I even get stressed out at bridal showers and baby showers because I feel it’s a competition to see who can give the biggest, best and most expensive gift and that the little gifts are pushed aside.
For my cousin’s bridal shower I got her things to bake and cook with. Since she LOVES to cook and bake I also gave her a cookbook personally autographed by Chef Bobby Flay. The products I purchased didn’t cost a lot (around $50) but I thought the autographed cookbook would have been something special. She loved it.
We didn’t attend her wedding because my husband couldn’t afford a suit, I had nothing special to wear and we couldn’t bring out kids. The wedding was out of state and we would have been gone all day and couldn’t leave our kids home for that long. I regret not going to that wedding. Her husband died unexpectedly three months after they got married. To this day I regret not being able to go.
Someone on one of the articles (linked above) made the suggestion of putting on the invitations that “we expect guests to give us $$$ to attend our wedding” so people know whether or not they can afford it.
Did you know that the average wedding guest shells out over $500 to attend a wedding between the gift, clothing, hotel stay and so forth. Ouch! That is a lot of $$$.
What do you think about the situation? If it was your wedding and you received such a gift, would you complain and ask for the receipt? Or would you humbly accept it and if you didn’t need/want it donate it to a local charity?
Do you think the guests were being “cheap” by giving the gift basket, or just creative (I like the “Life is delicious” part)?
Are the brides “ungrateful” or the guests “cheap”?