I have very low self esteem and very little confidence. I try not to, but I’ve dealt with this my entire life. It’s not easy to undo 40+ years of low self esteem and zero confidence.
I know that people are quick to blame their parents for things. I don’t buy into that ideology most of the time, however there are times where issues can be tied back to parents. In my case it’s NOT from my mom and dad, or my biological father. I think it steams from my biological mother.
My biological mother abandoned me – literally – when I was just a toddler. I guess deep in my subsconcious I’ve always felt “unworthy” because my biological mother (aka – egg donor) didn’t want anything to do with me. I think that has reaped havoc on my self esteem my entire life. Even if I try NOT to think that way, deep down inside I guess I still feel like there was something wrong with me which is why my biological mother wanted nothing to do with me.
As for confidence, being obese pretty much my entire life pretty much messes up your confidence too. Because I feel so unattractive and think that is how the whole world sees me, I don’t have the confidence it takes to walk into a room and let my true self shine. I always feel like people are judging me by the way I look and automatically assuming they know me (She’s lazy, she eats too much, she eats unhealthy food…). The truth is that I’m NOT lazy, I DON’T eat too much and while I do indulge in the occasional chips or cookies – my diet does NOT consist of fast foods and giant bowls of ice cream. Sigh…
I know I am not alone. A lot of people struggle with these same issues.
Summer time makes things even worse. While everyone is wearing bathing suits and next-t0-nothing clothing I have to cover up so as not to highlight my “flaws.” I wear a lot of black – even in the summer – in hopes that it doesn’t make me appear as “big” as I see myself.
If you struggle with confidence and self esteem, here are a few tips from NurseWise**,a national multilingual nurse triage and health education provider, that might help.
Quiet down your critical voice. Did you know you can change your mind by simply interrupting yourself? You can strengthen neural pathways with attention or weaken them with inattention, just like a muscle. Quiet the original negative thought and turn it into a more positive one. If you find yourself always saying, “My arms are fat” – interrupt the thought and re-word it to: “My arms enable me to swim for long distances,” or “My arms are strong and beautiful.” In time, the original negative thought will become background noise. Try it – it works!
Have a friend – Be a friend. The next time you need a serious confidence boost, reach out to your inner circle. Enjoy the company you are with, the ones who matter, the conversations you are having and the vitamin D you are soaking up. Savor the moment!
Rock out! Pumping up the jams is great for both your mind and body. Recent research shows listening to music can leads to feeling more powerful. When creating playlists, look for songs with a heavy bass – they create more feelings of power than those with less bass.
Stand tall and show off those pearly whites! One trick to looking and feeling poised is to stand up straight. Imagine there’s a rope pulling the top of your head toward the sky. The rest of your body should straighten accordingly. This simple solution will make you feel more attractive and confident instantly! Smiling is another easy way to look more attractive. It makes you instantly appear more approachable and conveys you’re comfortable in your own skin. (Bonus: Smiling also lowers blood pressure, reduces stress and releases serotonin and endorphins.)
Snap a #selfie. Though selfies sometimes get a bad rap, they’re empowering! Studies show those who see their face on the Internet feel more confident. Consider this your green light to snap, filter, and post!
I wish I could add more tips and suggestions. Perhaps YOU have something you’d like to add?
How do YOU boost your confidence and self-esteem? I would LOVE to hear advice/suggestions from readers.
Kimberly
*I was not compensated for this post. I posted this for the benefit of my site readers. The opinions expressed are my own and not influenced in any way.
**About NurseWise
NurseWise is a wholly owned subsidiary of Centene Corporation in the business of providing multilingual telehealth (nurse triage and health education) services. They have partnered with health plans, hospitals, providers, colleges and universities, and other specialty organizations to ensure all callers have access to high quality, appropriate care.
Robin W says
This is such great advice. I know that once your self-confidence has been shattered, it can be near to impossible to get it back. Doesn’t matter how/who knocked it down in the first place. Thanks for sharing and I’ll do the same.