I have a hard time saying this… I’m the mother to a 17 1/2 year old and an almost 20 year old. How in the world do I have a twenty year old child? Wasn’t it just yesterday when she was staring Kindergarten?
Sigh… time flies by way too quickly.
I used to think that getting up at all hours of the night to feed babies and change diapers was rough (lack of sleep!). And that the “terrible twos” were not easy either. But that all changed when our kids became teenagers. The teenage years are by far the most challenging (and rewarding) years.
The “rewards” include seeing your teen get their first boyfriend or girlfriend, go to prom, get their first car, get their first job and of course graduate from high school.
The challenges… they will keep you up at night, stress you out and turn your hair gray practically overnight.
I remember being a teenager myself. The teen years were rough with pimples, puberty, peer pressure and trying to figure out who I was. That was back in the 80’s. We didn’t have social media back then. I think social media has put even more pressure on teenagers.
I make it a point to talk to our kids often about drinking, smoking, drugs, sex and peer pressure. They do feel awkward talking to me about these things, but they know that eventually I find everything out so they might as well get it out in the open.
Our son hasn’t done anything so far. He graduates from high school in June and he JUST got a social life at the start of his senior year. He’s been out a few times with friends but they mostly go to the mall or out to eat. He doesn’t go to parties or anything like that.
He does have his first girlfriend, and we’ve already given him “the talk” about what he shouldn’t be doing (mostly sex). My husband and I have faith in our son that he’ll “do the right thing.”
Our daughter… well, she’s another story. I think she is more like a typical teen who has experimented with things (drinking, smoking marijuana…). She KNOWS she’s not supposed to do things like that, and she has admitted to doing them (and being grounded for them). At least she feels comfortable enough to admit to me when she’s broken the rules, talking to me about it and accepting the consequences.
I know first hand that trying to connect with today’s teenagers is not an easy task. Luckily there are things you can do to open up the lines of communication.
Believe it or not, one way to start a dialogue with your teen is the watch the shows and movies that they enjoy watching.
If you are having a hard time reading the infographics above you can on these links to view a large image – Netflix US Infographic on Talking to Teens and Netflix Parenting Cheat Sheet – What Parents Should Be Watching.
According to a recent study by Netflix 83% of parents have watched a show their teen has seen to feel closer to them. The biggest surprise? 74% of teens are willing to open up and talk to their parents about the shows they watch.
Our daughter recently watched 13 Reasons Why. She read the book as well. It was written by Jay Asher.
Newcomer Katherine Langford plays the role of Hannah, a young woman who takes her own life. Two weeks after her tragic death, a classmate named Clay finds a mysterious box on his porch. Inside the box are recordings made by Hannah — on whom Clay had a crush — in which she explains the 13 reasons why she chose to commit suicide. If Clay decides to listen to the recordings, he will find out if and how he made the list. This intricate and heart-wrenching tale is told through Clay and Hannah’s dual narratives.
No one wants to think about someone they love committing suicide.
Did you know…
- Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24.
- More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, COMBINED.
- Each day in our nation, there are an average of over 5,240 attempts by young people grades 7-12.
- Four out of Five teens who attempt suicide have given clear warning signs.
The breaks my heart to read those statistics presented by the Jason Foundation.
I was curious as to why our daughter wanted to watch the series on Netflix. It turns out that she read the book and she was curious to see if the series on Netflix was a lot like the book. She actually thought it was very well done and Netflix and actually encouraged me and my husband to watch it.
I did watch the first episode (in all fairness I haven’t had a chance to watch more of it, but I plan to).
We did have a discussion about suicide as a result of 13 Reasons Why. We talked about her friends and if any of them talked about suicide or if she knew anyone who died from suicide (thankfully she doesn’t know anyone and she says her friends never talked about it or showed signs they were going in that direction).
My husband really like the film Frank. It’s an odd movie. I don’t know what he sees in it. I’ve watched it and I thought it was really strange. He initially saw the film on Netflix at the recommendation of a friend of his. He loved the movie so much that he purchased a copy of the film as well as the soundtrack.
To our surprise our daughter and her ex-boyfriend (back when they were dating) actually watched Frank on Netflix. Our daughter wanted to watch it to see why my husband/her father saw in it. She actually liked the film (her boyfriend liked it more than her and actually watched it again and downloaded a few songs). It was interesting to see our daughter sharing her thoughts on the film that my husband likes so much.
Our daughter loves to watch One Tree Hill, Grey’s Anatomy and Breaking Bad on Netflix. I can understand One Tree Hill since it’s about young adults, but I was surprised to learn she watched Grey’s Anatomy. I was fortunate enough to visit the set of Grey’s Anatomy a few years back and speak with a few of the actors. If you are interested you can read about my on set experience and see all my photographs in this post – On the set with ABC’s hit television show Grey’s Anatomy. *PLEASE NOTE there are some graphic photos in that post (FAKE intestines and such).
I never watched the show, but my daughter was more than happy to tell me all about it. When I told her I visited the set and shared my experience with her she thought it was the coolest thing ever! I should mention that when I did the site visit she didn’t watch the series and knew nothing about it which is why she didn’t care about it back then.
As for Breaking Bad, I don’t really know much about that show. I do know it’s about drugs. I asked her why she liked watching it and she said that her ex-boyfriend watched it and she got interested in it through him. To date I have not watched the series, but it’s on my list of things to watch on Netflix.
For my part, I do encourage our daughter to watch things that we watch on Netflix and recommend things to watch.
Being a young adult she’s not really into Disney or Pixar movies anymore. I have recommended a few to her that she should check out on Netflix like Zootopia, Pete’s Dragon and Finding Dory. She did watch Finding Dory. She loved Finding Nemo and was happy to check out Finding Dory.
Our son doesn’t watch movies or television. He prefers to watch CNN and MSNBC. He’s more into world news then television shows or movies. In fact he recently went to the movies with his girlfriend and it was the first non-premiere movie he’s seen since Eight Below (2006).
Who would have thought that something as simple as watching a movie or a television show together, or on your own, could open up the lines of communication and discussion with your teen.
Is there a movie or television show that you and your teenager watch together? Have you ever watched something that helped to open the lines of communication with your teen? Feel free to share your story. I always LOVE to hear from readers.
Kimberly
*I am a member of Netflix’s Stream Team. I was not compensated for this post but I do receive free membership to Netflix in exchange for my participation. The opinions expressed are my own and not influenced in any way.
Cynthia R says
Sounds like you have some great kids and your talks with your kids have done it’s job. Great parents you are! I definitely plan on watching 13 reasons why, everyone is talking about the show.