Today was the day I have dreaded for many years. My daughter had her first “date”. I use the term date loosely because it wasn’t a REAL date, per say. It was more so a couple of kids getting together for a soda. But in THEIR minds it was a date.
A few weeks ago my daughter acquired her first “boyfriend”. His nickname is Mo (his real name is Mohammad). Again, I have to use that term loosely because she didn’t know the boy that well. She knew OF him from school, and has seen him at school, but they never said two words to each other. One day she was at a friend’s house for a sleep over. The girls were talking on OoVoo (video chat) with a friend of theirs and Mo happened to be over visiting with their friend. My daughter and Mo chatted with each other on OoVoo. Then they started to send each other messages back and forth on Facebook. Since I monitor my daughter’s actions on Facebook I pretty much saw everything they wrote to each other. It was totally innocent.
One day Mo decided to take it to the next level. He asked my daughter if she wanted to go out with him. My daughter told him “yes”. My husband and I were NOT happy about it, but I knew in my heart that she didn’t have a crush on the boy. She more so had a crush on the IDEA of having a boyfriend. Her best friends have boyfriends and in a way she didn’t want to be left out so she was happy she had a boyfriend too.
I could tell from their conversations she wasn’t really “into” him. That is why I didn’t get too stressed out over the relationship. Not only that every time he wanted to get together with her she came up with an excuse why she couldn’t. One of his best friends live near us and a few times he wanted to walk over here to hang out with her. Conveniently every time he wanted to she said she didn’t feel well. If she REALLY liked him she would have jumped at the opportunity to hang out. We even went so far as to tell her to invite him over and we’ll take them to our condo complex pool and she declined.
My daughter finally had another chance to talk with him over OoVoo (up until that point they only texted and sent message back and forth on Facebook). After that chat she realized that she wasn’t really into him after all and told him that she felt they were better off as friends. I was very proud of her for being mature about it.
The two of them remained friends for a couple of weeks. Then some how they ended up boyfriend and girlfriend again (I still have no clue how that happened). They have been a “couple” again for little over a week.
Last night my daughter was on a sleep over (again). She asked me today if I would be OK with dropping her off at the bowling alley so she could meet Mo there and bowl. I asked if anyone else was going. She said “no” (other kids were suppose to go but couldn’t get rides or didn’t have the $$$). The bowling alley is a dark place. I wanted the kids to be some place public that was well lit. I suggested McDonalds. The boy happened to live within walking distance of McDonalds so it worked out OK.
I waited in the parking lot with my daughter until the boy showed up. I could see my daughter was a bit awkward with him but she went inside with him anyway. I waited for a few minutes and then texted her and asked is everything was OK. She said she was fine. So I left and went to the grocery store to pick up a few things.
While I was at the store my daughter texted me. She said everything was fine but she realized that she doesn’t like him as much as he liked her and she really did only want to be friends with him. She didn’t know what to say to him. To make matters worst one of his friends showed up and hung out with them. So it was my daughter, Mo and his best friend.
I went back to McDonalds and parked my car in a place where they couldn’t see me. My daughter and texted back and forth. I have to feed her things to say to him so that she could break up with him nicely and not hurt his feelings. She originally wanted to send him a message when she got home but I said the right thing to do would be to tell him in person. She reluctantly agreed.
I felt like Cyrano de Bergerac! He was the man who fed lines to a handsome man so he could win over the girl that Cyrano really loved. OK… it wasn’t EXACTLY like that (I have a cute little nose and I wasn’t trying to win over a 14 year old boy. EWWWW!!! That is gross on so many levels). It was more so the opposite of what Cyrano did. I fed lines to my daughter so she could gently break up with a boy.
It worked. I even saw it happen. She asked his friend to give them a moment. Then she turned to Mo and told him that he’s nice and everything but she felt like they were better off as friends. I couldn’t see from my angle but she said he looked like he was going to cry. He also gave her a necklace. I told her to offer to give it back to him. She did but he told her to keep it.
My daughter was non-stop rambling when she got in the car. She said it was very awkward and she it totally done with boys and dating (keep in mind this was her first “boyfriend” and first “date”). Inside I was secretly cheering. I don’t want my little girl to grow up too fast so I was happy to hear her say that. Realistically though I know it’s not going to happen that way. I even told her that one day she’s going to have a real crush on a boy, and vice versa, and when they go on their first date it will be filled with sunshine, rainbows and unicorns (you get the idea). I told her not to worry, she’ll have another boyfriend soon. I also told her that she will date people for a week, a month, a year or more and they might break up with her or she might have to break up with the other person. I told her that her heart will get broken and she will break a heart. It’s a part of life.
I’m glad that she didn’t get her first kiss with this boy. I know it’s going to happen eventually. I would rather her first kiss be something special and with someone she really likes, not just some boy she “dated” because she was enamoured with the IDEA of having a “boyfriend”.
Hopefully I get some “brownie points” with my daughter and she knows that she can come to me when it comes to issues with boys. I prefer she talks to me but I’ll take a text too if need be.
Whew… parenting a teen is stressful! Excuse me while I rummage through my home looking for chocolate to calm my nerves. LOL!
Kimberly
Lori A. says
Awww! You sound like a great mom! We have approached this time, too. My daughter is 13. A boy she had a class with for one semester last year had a friend of hers tell her that he liked her. (He is a year older so he is in a different school this year).
They started chatting on facebook and eventually texting. I also keep an eye on all this and saw that it was innocent. They never even actually talked in person or on the phone. LOL She enjoyed talking to him and everything but said that she didn’t like him the way he seemed to like her. My husband and I encouraged her to tell him that so as to not lead him on. We were very proud of how she handled it. She told him she still wanted to be friends and talk (Yea, probably not what anyone wants to hear when being “dumped”. LOL). He said ok but he hasn’t talked to her since then.
I think she enjoyed the attention and enjoyed talking to him but she said she enjoys being single. LOL So many of her friends at school have “boyfriends” and have had one for a few years. Really?? Gosh…at 12 I was still playing with barbie’s! She really enjoys her girlfriends and being silly and goofing around with them…I don’t think she’s interested in or ready for the responsibility and effort that goes into a relationship with a boy. Yay! 🙂
Auriette says
That makes me think of all the dates (not that there were *that* many) that I went on and realized very quickly that the guy was not for me. It’s great that your daughter gave him a chance and also that she ended it quickly when she realized he’s not for her. I think a lot of people date the same person (sometimes for years) just because it’s convenient and they don’t want to be alone. I remember one time, a guy I sort of liked at work asked if I could give him a ride home and he’d buy me dinner at a burger place. Not really a date. By the end of that day, I knew I would never be able to stand the guy long enough to date him. LOL Your daughter learned a good lesson.
Susan says
Kimberly,
You are a wonderful mom! I wish texting had been invented when I was dating. I’m sure my mom would have helped me out.
Hold your daughter and love her. You are so fortunate to have one another.