Our 14 year old daughter lives on her cell phone. Her texting has been out of control ever since we put unlimited texting on our cell phone plan. If texting is an addiction then I think our daughter has it. That is why we are not too quick to fix her cell phone. He phone broke about a month ago and we haven’t had it fixed yet. It’s going to cost $100, which we don’t have. But we also think it’s a good idea for her to take a break from texting. It has me searching for sites like https://mspylite.com/ to help protect my child.
As a parent to a 14 year old teen daughter I am VERY concerned about boys sending her sexually explicit or suggestive texts, otherwise known as “sexting”. I know she has a lot of people in her phone’s address book and boys send her text messages (and vice versa). I worry that one of the boys is going to say something explict to her and she won’t know how to deal with it and she will either laught it off, which could encourge the boy to continue to send her those types of messages or she will delete it because she’s upset about it and afraid to tell us because she knows we will freak out about it.
I read stories online and hear about them on the news were teen girls send nude pictures of themselves via the cell phone. If I was a parent of a child that did that I would be mortified! How do you recover from something like that? What happens if the receiver of the phone forwards it on to other people at school? Can you imagine how much harassment that child would get from her classmates?
I understand that technology is important and most teens text. It’s a part of life. But there is also a lot of responsibility that comes from being able to text people. Teens should be schooled on what they can and cannot do via text messaging. They should also be made aware of the ramifications of sending “sexting” messages and nude photos to others.
There is an interesting article coming out in the September issue of Women’s Day magazine that addresses this concern that I am sure that many parents of ‘tweens and teens have.
You can learn more about Women’s Day magazine at www.WomensDay.com.
I found a “sext” message on my teen’s cell phone. What should I do?
First, erase your mind images of an adult predator: In all likelihood, the sexually explicit message was sent by another teen he knows. A 2009 survey by Cox Communications in partnership with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children found that 1 in 5 kids ages 13 to 18 have sent, received or forwarded sext messages—sexually explicit texts or pictures of themselves or people they know. Most of the time it’s a boy forwarding a photo of a girl or a girl flirting by sending a provocative photo of herself, explains Cindy Southworth, MSW, founder and director of Safety Net, a project at The National Network to End Domestic Violence that teaches people how to use technology to escape domestic and sexual violence.
If it’s a forwarded photo of a girl you know, alert her parents. If your child sent the message, delete it and then talk to him or her as calmly as possible. “If you freak out or immediately confiscate the phone, you’ll shut down the lines of communication between the two of you,” says Southworth. Instead, encourage conversation by explaining what you saw and asking your child probing questions: “What does this message mean to you?” “How does it make you feel?” Listening and responding with a level head first, then imposing an appropriate consequence, like no cell phone for a few days, shows that you’re open to discussing uncomfortable issues.
After Alison Bosen of Peoria, Arizona, found a half-naked photo from her 17-year-old son’s girlfriend on his phone, she immediately deleted the image and sat him down for a heart-to-heart. “We talked about what goes out into cyberspace and the ramifications of messages getting into the wrong hands,” says Alison. “I also explained the legal consequences of forwarding child pornography, which this technically was.” She was quick, too, to disable picture messages so her son can’t receive photos anymore, and set it up so that he only gets calls and texts from trusted sources. Check to see if your cell phone carrier offers a similar parental safety plan. “After the first infraction, limit photos to those sent from a select group of friends that you agree on,” advises Southworth. “If it happens a second time, block all photos.”
Kimberly
*I was granted permission to share this article. There was no compensation. The opinions expressed are my own unless otherwise noted. The article was written by Jennifer Matlack is a freelance writer based in Bethel, Connecticut. Her work has appeared in Glamour, All You, Health and many other publications.
kelley wood says
Yes, this can be very devasting. I warn my teen of a story that someone shared with me that puts the fear in them. One time this girl sent a picture of herself topless to her boyfriend. Well, he of course, sent it to everyone. She was made fun of because the size & shape of her breasts which totally humiliated her.She ended up having to move to another school because of all the harrassment. I think this is a good story to tell teen girls because they are so self conscious and perhaps they will think twice before sending out a nude picture.
blueviolet @ A Nut in a Nutshell says
I feel kinda fortunate that I just missed the era of smartphones. My kids had cell phones, but texting wasn’t even available on them yet, so although I still had strict rules on phone usage, sexting wasn’t an issue yet.
That’s one thing that makes me glad I’m old! LOL
Jaime T. says
Hi Kimberly ~ Your post hits close to home. I have a 10 year old son who has been asking for a cell phone for a couple months. He’s entering middle school in a couple weeks and many of his friends already have one. My husband and I have told him not for a couple more years, but articles like these make me wish that I could keep him little forever! When the time comes to get him a phone, we’ll have to make some strict guidelines for usage! ~Jaime
Penelope says
Ugh, it seems it’s just harder to raise kids today than ever!
Crystal @ Simply Being Mommy says
I’m not sure if my teen will have a cell phone until they have their drivers license. They will probably be the only ones in school, but I just can’t chance it.
Shop with Me Mama (Kim) says
Great information, thank you for sharing it. I am not looking forward to when my kids grow up and having to maybe deal with this kind of stuff 🙁
Anne - Mommy Has to Work says
We have decided to gets our son a phone before school starts, he’s ten. But he will be riding his bike to school for the first time. I wish I wasn’t getting him one though…..
Kelley says
Look how many generations of people grew up just fine without cell phones. You do not need to get your child one. My children did not get on in high school. Period. They had to wait until they graduated. Now we have people getting them for their kindergarteners. It’s absurd. If you do get one, then by all means, disable it so it can’t send photos and you have to approve the list of who can text. Or better yet, get one with no texting ability at all.
I’m a high school teacher. We’ve had kids expelled for sexting. I also counseled a student who was being paid by boys to send them photos of her breasts. She couldn’t see that what she was doing was a form of prostitution. Cell phones in school are a problem. Students text instead of pay attention in class. Students hide cell phones on their laps and ask other students in class for answers. Students look up answers on their smart phones. I’ve decided that this year, I’m putting a basket by the door for them to drop their cell phones in at the start of class. But I wish that parents would stop seeing them as a necessity and stop giving them to their children.
tviv says
I too tried the cell phone issue with our teenage daughter. She is special needs and very immature which complicates the technology issue even more. BUT, in our case the cell phone was a tool for her to reach us while at school in case she was nervous or had anxiety issues. Sort of like purse strings. Well it was a disaster. She gave her # out to strangers and we even had a 58 year old man call posing as another teenager. Due to her special needs, she could not limit how much she was on the phone and used all the minutes up in no time at all. I finally found a cell phone provider that has very strict on-line parental controls. I chose Kajeet (Sprint network) even though we have the AT&T family plan. Kajeet’s parental controls allow you to limit times of day the phone is used, minutes used per day, numbers that the phone can send and receive calls/texts, GPS for safety, etc. You can tighten the controls as much or as little for your personal family situation. The phone can be programmed to always receive calls from certain numbers (parents, family) and of course have access to 911 at all times. They do not require a monthly contract and their plans start at $4.99 mo. up to $50 for unlimited use. There is also an on-line wallet system where the child can log in and budget their monthly cell phone expense. Try it out and this link will give you 15% off http://www.kajeet.com/coupon. Now we feel better that our daughter has a cell phone (her little sister uses it at sleep overs, etc.) to contact us and for emergencies.