I have a ‘tween and a teen. There are plenty of times I wish my kids were going through their “terrible twos” again. The toddler years were a piece of cake compared to the ‘tween and teen years. Teenagers especially are the reason why parents age very quickly. Ha Ha.
Instead of arguing with my daughter about what socks match her jumper, or what DVD to watch on TV (Teletubbies or Barney) we now have to argue with her about things like belly button piercings and why can’t she hang out at the mall with her friends. Ugh!
If you are a parent to a ‘tween or teen you might find this article from Woman’s Day magazine especially interesting. This article will appear in the September issue but you can read it here on She Scribes. Since this is a long article I’m going to split it up into different posts based upon the topic. Today’s topic is Facebook.
My daughter has a Facebook account. She has since she was 13. I am pleased to see that we are following all the expert advice when it comes to Facebook. Both my husband and I are friends with our daughter (much to her dismay). She cannot accept a friend request without our approval first and she has to get our approval before she uploads photos. I also take a peek from time to time at her posts and messages just to make sure everything is OK.
The other day I found a message from a 16 year old boy (my daughter is 14). At first I was really ticked off but after I looked into the conversation I can see that it was pretty innocent. The boy just happened to notice she was wearing a track shirt in one of her photos and wanted to know if she was on track. The whole conversation was about track. My daughter quit track last year and I have been trying to talk her into joining again. The boy is on track in the high school and was encouraging her to do track again, that it’s a lot of fun and she’ll meet a lot of cool people. Thankfully that was the whole conversation. He wasn’t asking her out on a date or anything.
We trust our daughter but we still like to keep tabs on things to make sure no one is posting inappropriate stuff on her wall or sending her suggestive or mean messages.
If you have a teen who is begging you for a Facebook account you will find this except from the article interesting.
Look for the complete article in Woman’s Day, September 2011 issue. The title of the article is “My Kid Wants What?”.
My 13 year old wants a Facebook account but I think he’s not old enough.
He’s probably not. You’re supposed to be at least 13 to join, but even then your child may not be ready. The reason? Kids’ brains haven’t caught up to the responsibilities of using technology. “A teenager’s brain is not nearly fully developed, especially the frontal lobes, which control our ability to use good judgment,” says Roni Cohen-Sandler, PhD, a psychologist in Weston, Connecticut, and author of Trust Me Mom – Everyone Else Is Going!
So once they’re on Facebook they’re likely to do and say things they shouldn’t. One common mistake: over friending. “Kids often accept every friend request they get, whether they know the person or not,” says Shawn Marie Edgington, author of The Parent’s Guide to Texting, Facebook and Social Media. “The more friends they have, the more accepted and popular they feel. A kid with 500 ‘friends’ is more common than you think.” But big numbers like that should be a red flag to parents. “It means your child isn’t being discriminating enough,” says Edgington. “Now all those people are in his network, privy to the information, videos and photos he posts.”
What can you do to protect him, short of saying, “No Facebook, ever!”? “First, determine how responsible he is, says Deborah Ramirez, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Blue Point, New York. Ask yourself: Is he good about handing in his homework on time? When he says he’s going to do something—call his grandmother or feed the dog—does he do it? “How you answer these types of questions tells you whether he can be trusted to follow your rules,” says Dr. Ramirez.
If you think your child is mature enough to join Facebook, be prepared to become a member, too (if you’re not one already). “Sign up kids ages 13 and 14 yourself, and keep the password so they can’t access the account without you,” advises Kathryn Rose, a social media expert and author of The Parent’s Guide to Facebook. “And talk to your child about staying safe and being responsible by not sharing any identifying information, ignoring friend requests from people he doesn’t know, and not posting inappropriate or hurtful comments,” says Dr. Ramirez.
Another requirement: Your child must friend you. That way you can check on postings and conversations, says Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, PhD, professor of psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts, who also advises setting time limits. “Being constantly connected on social media lessens real social interaction with actual friends,” he explains. One to two hours a day is more than enough, adds Neil Bernstein, PhD, a teen psychologist in Washington, DC, and author of How to Keep Your Teenager Out of Trouble and What to Do If You Can’t.
Also talk to your kids about the type of photos they’re allowed to upload. “Many younger teens, especially girls, think it’s fun to post photos of themselves wearing belly shirts or other provocative clothing without really understanding the sexual message it sends,” explains Dr. Arnett. That’s yet another reason to friend your kid, so you can see what images he or she is uploading. Be proactive too: Set up a Google Alert (http://www.Google.com/Alerts) for your child’s name, suggests Edgington. “You’ll get an email immediately if a video, tweet or public Facebook comment tagged with your child’s name has been posted online.”
Tomorrow I will post the response to the question about a 14 year old who wants to start dating. As the mom of a 14 year old, whose friends are already dating, I am especially interested in the answer to this question.
For more information about Woman’s Day please visit www.WomansDay.com.
Does your young teen have a Facebook page? Why or why not? What steps have you taken to make sure your child is safe on Facebook?
Kimberly
*I was granted permission to share this article. There was no compensation. The opinions expressed are my own unless otherwise noted. The article was written by Jennifer Matlack is a freelance writer based in Bethel, Connecticut. Her work has appeared in Glamour, All You, Health and many other publications.
