Many of my regular readers might recall that I have an 11 year old son. He was diagnosed with Aspergers, which is a form of Autism, but we’ve never been able to get that confirmed 100%. Other doctors and so-called specialists have come up with their own ideas, from ADHD to Anxiety and several things in between. When he was younger I could clearly see signs of Aspergers. The older he gets the less I see those “signs”. In my heart I feel he’s just a sad little boy, looking for his niche in life and hoping to make a friend or two.
Our son struggles at school. He started school a year before he should have. He was born prematurely and has a late birthday. Technically he should be in 5th grade right now, not 6th. We was almost left back in first grade but the school opted not to. Since then it’s been a struggle. I have the school on speed dial and know his teacher’s extensions by heart. I even have a few of their e-mail addresses. Needless to say I am well known at school. I’m always there trying to get him help, which sadly the school cannot afford due to budget cuts. Currently our son is in two different after school math “help” classes. They are large classes with around 25-30 students in each class. He was receiving math help last year in a small class (only 6 students). His mathgrade jumped 18 points in one quarter! That is because he was getting more one-on-one time. With the new math classes it’s impossible.
His school work struggles really effect his confidence and self-esteem (both of which he has NONE of). He also doesn’t have any friends. He has a few kids at school he’ll talk to but I wouldn’t go so far as call them “friends”. Oddly enough in the lunch room he always sits with the Spanish speaking boys, which means he cannot really hold much of a conversion with them. I think its just his way of “hiding away”.
He’s a good kid and he IS smart. He just doesn’t apply himself with his school work. He also has a huge heart.
On Easter the kids in our family (cousins) went on an Easter Egg hunt. There was money and/or candy in the eggs. My daughter found the egg with the $20 bill (“grand prize”) and my niece walked away with $30. My son didn’t find any eggs with money in them. My niece was kind enough to give my son $5.00 from the money she found, which was very nice of her.
A few days ago I was at the mall with my kids. My daughter was spending her dog walking money but she didn’t have enough to cover what she wanted to buy (she was $3.50 short). My son offered his money to pay for the money she was short. That was nice of him, however I couldn’t let him do that so I paid the difference.
You’ll never guess what he did with his $5.00. He donated it to a charity to help out the victims of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. He could have used the money to buy songs from iTunes or something else. Instead he donated every penny to charity.
I know he’s desperately trying to find his place in this world. We try and help him any way we can, but he doesn’t really talk to us much about what he’s REALLY feeling, so it’s not always easy to know what to do.
My husband might have a job as the official blogger for a local minor league baseball team. Its an unpaid position but I’m sure it will have its perks. My husband is super excited about it. He also blogs for a NFL website.
Our son knows nothing about baseball. He’s lucky if he can even name a baseball player. But that doesn’t stop him. He wants to write for the baseball team too! He wants me to build him a blog (either on WordPress or Blogger) and he wants his own .com (domain name). He wants to use his website to write about the baseball team just like my husband, even though he doesn’t know the first thing about baseball. Not only that there is no way the management would go for that. He MIGHT be able to tag along with my husband from time to time, but not in an official capacity.
He’s BEGGING me to get him a site and BEGGING my husband to ask the team’s management if he could write for them too. It’s breaking my heart! I now the management would not go for that. I told my husband we’ll have to “fluff” the truth some how so as not to crush his spirits. I can set him up with a blog to allow him to write and beg family and friends to comment on his posts. I’m HOPING that might help.
I think what he really wants (and needs) is to feel important. I think in his mind if he writes about the baseball team people will flock to his site and interact with him and look at him as an “authority” about everything team related. I would love for that to happen but the mere fact that he knows NOTHING about baseball is going to make this hard to pull off.
I don’t know what to do. He’s so sad. I know he feels lost and he wants to find his place in this world. I just don’t know how to help him. Our daughter is the polar opposite and knows exactly what she wants out of life. She’s also got a lot of friends and does well in school. My kids are nothing alike. Although I must say my son is more responsible then our daughter is, and she’s going to be 14 soon.Â
I think if he has a blog it might help him to feel better about himself.
Does anyone have a child who has a blog? If so, has the experience been good or bad? Would you recommend it? Obviously I would have total control over it and his name/identity would never be known.
I just want him to be happy and have confidence and self esteem. I just have no clue how to do that. We’ve tried getting him to join groups and clubs, but that didn’t work. We’ve tried Karate, T-ball, Soccer, Boy Scouts… and so on. He’s just not into any of these things. He rather come home from school and hide away in the corner of his room playing with his toys. He used to have a goldfish that he referred to as his “best friend”. Seriously – it breaks my heart!!!!
If this was YOUR child, how would you handle all of this? What would you do? I’m open to ideas and suggestions.
Thanks for reading this far and letting me ramble about this. I appreciate that a lot.
Kimberly
cassandra aubut says
My kids are still too small to have to deal with these issues- yet I feel your struggle! I wont pretend to have any advice- as I have no clue. But I read your whole post and can relate as a mom who like you would do anything to make their kids happy and not want them to struggle.
If you do start a blog for him- I will be his biggest supporter! 🙂
stldenise says
I’m afraid my 12 year old doesn’t blog–the son of a writer and he hates writing! A couple of his friends have forms of Aspergers so I’m a little familiar with the social issues you’re dealing with.
I’m thinking there are 2 ways to approach this:
1) Let him blog about the team–there’s no law against a fan putting up a website. But tell your son he needs to do a little research about the game and the team. His blog doesn’t need to compete with sports writers, he’s just a kid. Let him write about the hot dogs at the stadium, the weather at the game, the crazy guy in the crowd. Who knows, could be fun.
2) redirect him to blog about something HE really likes, maybe something that fascinated him before baseball came up. If you blog and his dad blogs, he’s just copy catting his parents–you guys do it so it must be fun. Tell him to find a topic he can really make his own. He can blog about Lego things he build, something he collects? Could he blog about the “secret adventures” of his toys? A topic he could take his own pictures of might make it more fun.
And if you let him do it, just make sure to lock down the comments so you have to approve them first. (And I mean you, privately, without him seeing them!) I was thinking you could make the blog invitation only, but that wouldn’t help if he’s wanting notoriety.
MomofNine says
Find something he is passionate about *interested in* and let him learn all about it.
My 13 y.o. son has begged for months to be able to volunteer at the animal shelter. We now go and help the groomers with bathing the dogs on a weekly basis. I also allow him to accompany me on some of my pet sitting jobs (with the owner’s consent, of course). This gives him something exciting to talk about with his agemates and adults at church.
stldenise says
Hmmm, something else: if you really want him to get comments from (nice) strangers, plug his blog with your Facebook account. Be honest, say it’s your kid’s blog and he’d love a kind word. Since you have a lot of moms who follow you, I think you’ll have many sympathetic fans who will drop in on the kid’s blog just to give him a few page views.
Michele L says
These are good suggestions – STLDenise has some good ideas. I’d be happy to support his blog if he starts one.
Daily Woman says
I am not an expert on “motherhood” for sure since I have my own set of problems but one thing I do know about is that the public school systems really have no idea how to handle a child that is “different” then THEIR idea of typical. Have you considered homeschooling him? He MAY be having issues at school that he is not telling you (kids can be mean). I have a son with autism and another one that is I guess ODD/ADHD and the school did not help us at all. Homeschool works well since you can individualize the curriculum. There are homeschool groups that can help you and help him meet other kids too.
What does he like to play with? Does he like to read? Play video
games?
I am sorry I cant give you a solution but just know all kids are different and some just take longer to find their path but I feel confident he will.
Tammy says
I think if he found a passion it would help his self esteem and make him feel important. Maybe you could suggest he write about the middle school/high school teams instead of the one your hubby is working for. Your hubby and him can work through it together and go to the sporting events together to get an idea on how to observe and then write. Then if he wants he could put his personal spin on the baseball games dad does.
It’s such a tough age for kids anyway nowdays, let alone with challenges. You are doing a great job girl…keep it up!
Karen R says
Your son sounds like a good kid. When I was young, I had a pen pal. What about en email pal? Maybe you could find a blogger with a child your son’s age.
Nancy says
I know that you all have soft hearts for animals. He might enjoy working at a shelter with animals. Maybe he could help the local animals shelter with their blog?
kelleypen says
Most of the kids in my classes who have Aspergers have something they are an expert at–whether anime, 1970’s music, or ship wrecks. They each seem to have a ‘thing.’ If your son already has his ‘thing’ then that’s what he needs to blog about. If he doesn’t, then that’s what he needs to find. The idea of him having a very secure blog site is great, but he needs something he is already passionate about to write about, even if it’s just emo poetry. (most adolescents seem to have an ability to write emo poems)
Kelley
kelleypen says
PS
Is there a charter school nearby? I teach at a charter HS and it really makes a huge difference for kids that would normally fall through the cracks.