Today it isn’t just twenty-somethings that are moving home in record numbers. Senior citizens are moving in with their children in higher numbers than ever before. There are lots of reasons for this and while you might be thrilled to be living under the same roof as your parents (or aunts or uncles); there are still some things that you should know to make everybody’s lives as smooth as possible.
While they might feel young on the inside, your parents are going to have a harder time getting around than they did when you were young. They might have a hard time climbing the stairs, getting up from the couch or even climbing into our out of a bathtub. Go through your home with your loved one and pay particular attention to the areas and spaces that cause problems and then find a way to fix them. For example, installing walk in bathtubs for seniors can save everyone a lot of face—as can things like making up a room on the ground floor of your home, keeping something steady next to the sofa that can be grabbed and used as leverage for getting up after sitting on the couch or in an easy chair for a while.
Do you remember what it felt like to go home after you’d lived away from your parents for a while? Do you remember how awkward it was to have to try to deal with your “old” role of son or daughter—having your independence be second guessed, suddenly having to ask permission for things again, etc? Your parents and elderly loved ones are going to feel something similar when they move in with you. Try to be sensitive to the loss of independence they might fear.
At the same time, don’t try to force them back into the role of parent for you or your own kids. Your parents are very much independent adults and while they might need some help from time to time, it is important that you help them keep up with the friendships and relationships that they had before they moved in with you. Check into local dial-a-ride programs for loved ones who are no longer able to drive themselves but who might enjoy trips out of the house, even when you aren’t available to do the driving. Make sure their friends know that they are as welcome in your home as they were in your parents’ home.
Keep in touch with your parents’ doctors and other care providers. Make sure that you know what is going on with them medically so that you can be prepared for emergencies, if they arise. This is an area in which you might find yourself parenting your parents—particularly when your parents don’t want to take their meds or insist that they can still do things that their doctors have forbidden them from doing. Checking in with doctors and care providers is important but, at the same time, don’t do it right in front of your Mom or Dad because that could make them feel like you don’t trust them. You might not, by try to help them preserve at least a little bit of their dignity by allowing them to tell you what they need and then checking up with their doctors and care providers later.
These are just some of the things that you are going to need to figure out as you help your parents’ transition from their independent lives to living with you. It is going to be a difficult time for everyone so do your best to be patient and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it!